skholar

I've been busy trying to get over the gallon of caipirinha's I drank last night..

2008-11-22T13:04:00.000-08:00

...to celebrate that I PASSED the bar.

Transitions

2008-09-08T20:35:00.001-07:00

Our dog walker fired us on Friday. Not really, we love her and mutually agreed to part ways, but it is meaning another round of "figure out how to take care of you're totally lovable yet totally certifiable pooch."

I keep meaning to post about our trip -- amazing! But I came home with what we think was a mild case of Dengue Fever. I also keep meaning to post about starting work -- harsh! But I love it. And the biggest but of this paragraph... I can never bring myself to post. I think this means this blog has run its course save for one very happy drunk (champagne!) or very miserable drunk (Jack Daniels!) post I imagine making on November 21. And, maybe some anxiety ridden posts in the interim for old time's sake.

peace out

2008-08-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

We're heading to Thailand soon to complete the recovery process. Hopefully I will have lots of fun stories to share when I return.

Slowly, slowly, coming back to life

2008-08-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

The bar was a much more physical experience than I anticipated and took a toll on my body. During the test, I was downing Advil and Tums like candy. Not much food sounded good and what did was unhealthy. I had to eat, so I lived off of double lattes, Nation's Giant Veggie Burgers, Fries, Milkshakes and pizza for three days. Add the massive anxiety and fact that I was typing or filling in scantrons furiously for 18 hours...

I just want to feel normal again. But, letting go mentally and reclaiming my body is going to be a process. I couldn't sleep much Thursday night even though I was exhausted. By mid day Friday I was a wreck. Luckily the massage I'd scheduled helped. But, while my shoulders are finally where they belong instead of hugging my ears, I still feel all sorts of off. I am sort of headachy and cranky and really tired. But, at the bottom of all of that, the main thing I feel is relief.

Stick a fork in me...

2008-07-31T22:20:00.000-07:00

... for better or worse, I am DONE.

And, sufficiently intoxicated. Yay for pomigranite infused tequila.

A Bar Exam Miracle

2008-07-29T18:15:00.000-07:00

So let's see, where to start...I guess I'll go with chronological but the good stuff is at the end.

I got here yesterday and settled in, walked from the hotel to the coffee shop to the conference center then decided to go see Step Brothers. It was funny, but I had a mild panic attack in the middle trying to remember UCC provisions. I have a stock pile of healthy food but decided to forego it for a veggie burger, fries, and a Vanilla shake from the amazing Nation's Giant Burger . I had mild anxiety all night, but managed to skim some outlines and get enough sleep.

This morning I got ready, bumped some Eminem 'Til I Collapse and headed to Starbucks where I read trashy mags, got caffeinated and headed to the conference center. Dude, it is a total cattle herd – hundreds of people trying to get into the exam room, nerves palpable.

I was very excited to have an aisle seat… until I recognized the person who came to sit next to me. At the end of the first session he said he really liked his answers and thought the exam was cake. Then, at the end of the second session he told me all about what the best process was for organizing a performance test. But, I have to say he was very encouraging when my computer almost died! Duh duh duh...

Yes, I went to launch exam soft and it wouldn’t work. And it wouldn’t work. And I was FREAKING out internally, but trying to remain calm externally. And the guy sitting next to me was very reassuring and told me to try again. So, I just pressed the power button, turned it off, waited … and… I swear that everyone’s prayers, lit candles and good vibes powered my computer. When I pushed the power button again, Examsoft was up and ready to go.

That's a wrap

2008-07-27T21:17:00.000-07:00

I think I am officially done studying for this...

The Time has Come Today - Time!

2008-07-27T13:22:00.000-07:00

My way of memorizing things is to write them by hand, sometimes repeatedly. If you walked into my office, you would think I was mad based on the strewn papers with random elements scribbled all over them. Today I was using an old legal pad I found in a drawer to memorize PR - ABA: no sex with client unless pre-existing r/ship. CA: sex okay if reasonable - don't rape!

I flipped the first page and found a list of law schools and their application deadlines. I flipped another page and found mock ups of the save the date cards we did for our wedding. That feels like an eternity ago and I can't wait until I feel the same way about this exam.

The husband says to me...

2008-07-25T18:44:00.001-07:00

... if the dog was a mortgage lender, he'd be FartyMac.

Is that hilarious or am I delirious?

::

2008-07-23T14:58:00.000-07:00

Internet, it is a sad day when a trip to the doctor which includes a painful shot is a welcome break from studying. After the doctor, I stopped and got a Frappucino. Wow, I seriously feel like I just got away with sneaking out of my house for the weekend in high school to go on a camping trip where there would be boys and beer.

Earning his keep

2008-07-21T07:37:00.000-07:00

One member of the family loves the bar exam - the pooch. He has gotten really used to me being home all day. I study in our spare bedroom/ office. He's not allowed on our bed, but is allowed on the spare bed and spends his days either snuggled up there or at my feet curled up by the heater under my desk. Every so often he comes and sits by me and demands attention by putting his head in my lap. When he does, I use him as a memorization tool - telling him all about personal jurisdiction in a funny voice. I wish I could take him to the test.

I need a new plan - STAT

2008-07-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

So, it hit me today that I need to have all this shit memorized in 11 days. Depending on how you count them, there are 12 - 16 subjects tested on the CA bar. So, let's say 12, that gives me less than a day per subject. I've been working on Wills and Trusts all day, but it took me forever just to feel like I understand it. Then, I tried to start memorizing and realized I needed a schedule, had a little melt down and have spent the last 15 minutes staring at my surroundings - to do lists, stacks of books, scattered flashcards - and trying to figure out the best approach to the next 11 days. Do I abandon practice essays in favor of memorization? Do I worry less about precise memorization and keep cranking out the essays? Start drinking redbull around the clock? AAARAKJHG:KJN.

Advice welcome...

Tick tock tick tock tick tock

2008-07-14T06:26:00.000-07:00

Today is the 2 week, one day mark. I am all over the place emotionally - one minute I am in "bring it on" mode, I randomly cry, other times I am just exhausted and numb. BUT, I am thankful that I am maintaining for the most part and that I can even sleep. There are, however, two songs that are sort of playing in my head at all times, even in my dreams. In which, I am always trying to work something out and figure out the elements of something, but in some completely bizarre apocalypse type movie. Like, if I can just come up with all the causes of action and elements for products liability, I will save the world, specifically all of its puppies. The songs are Madonna and Justin Timberlake's 4 Minutes to Save the World which at least I like and, God help me Danity Kane's Damaged.

The sad part is, I know that they will actually stay in my head and be there during the bar. In fact, I distinctly remember 4 Minutes being in my head during my Corporations final.

Heard in the 'hood

2008-07-07T20:32:00.000-07:00

There was a house fire in our neighborhood earlier this evening, turned out to be okay - every one's fine, minor damage. Shortly after it was contained, I went with the husband to the corner store. A woman came in and asked, "What happened on the corner?" The Clerk said, "It was a fire on the top floor." "Oh," she said, "So it wasn't a shootin' then? Good." I was a bit shocked and the husband told me, "Clearly you don't spend enough time at the corner store."

In other news...we had a simulated written exam today. It wasn't pretty. But I have to keep telling myself I can pass, I can pass, I can pass.

Refreshed

2008-07-04T11:29:00.000-07:00

Last night I slept for nine hours. Sure, I had some crazy dreams that involves screwing up things on the bar, but I woke up feeling better than I have for a while. I think part of the reason is because a friend said to me yesterday: "I am making a conscious decision to pass this exam." I have made the same decision. Sounds cheesy, but I really think it is helping. After my good night's sleep, I got up this morning, worked out, ran a few errands, and thanks to a gift certificate from A, treated myself to cute new workout clothes. I am sitting down to write some Wills and Trusts essays - a subject that I feel completely clueless about. But, I feel strangely okay with that.

Ow! My eye!

2008-07-01T16:27:00.000-07:00

So, I have a type of contact sollution that is peroxide/ acid based and you're not supposed to put directly in your eye. It's been fine the past year that I've been using it but I was a tired space cadet this morning and squirted it in my eye. I started screaming because it burned like crazy. My first thought was "OH NO. I'm going to go blind and I can't take the bar if I'm blind."

Luckily the husband knows what to do in these types of situations. He put me in the tub, pajamas and all, and rinsed my eye with shower water for 15 minutes.

Thankfully, I don't think I will go blind. Not so thankfully, I think that means I still have to take the bar.

Study aid

2008-06-30T13:13:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine just finished taking a rather grueling exam and told me that sugar free red bull really helped him study. He didn't drink one every day, but maybe 2x a week when he needed to get a lot done or wanted some extra help focusing. A friend from law school used to drink one before finals. I am going to the corner store to test it out. At this point, I need all the help I can get.

Update Well, the red bull did help me focus. But, it also made me feel shaky and a little numb in my limbs. So, I think I may be sticking with good old espresso.

Update 2 I feel utterly defeated and freaked out. I was in a friend's wedding this past weekend which meant missing about 3 days of Barbri/ normal study time. While I did manage to make a set of evidence flashcards while on the road and there, I am seriously behind where I want to be. Today I also realized that our crim pro lecturer was not very clear or helpful and that I need to basically recreate the structure of my crim pro outline. And, since we are learning 3 new subjects this week, the only three I did not take in law school, I am not feeling confident in my ability to catch up. I sort of panicked and cried on the husband's lap. I managed to make a schedule for the week that has me caught up by Friday, but it seems overly ambitious. BLECH.

MB fuck mE

2008-06-23T17:48:00.000-07:00

We had a practice MBE today. It was pretty fun. Scoring it was even more fun. But, I recently found the goal ranges in the back of one of the multiple choice practice books and am comforted that scoring 65% isn't quite as terrible as it sounds.

Heat Wave

2008-06-21T08:36:00.000-07:00

My mom laughed at me when I told her the temperatures were in the 90s in San Francisco. I know, I know, it's 107 in So Cal right now. However, there is no air conditioning in San Francisco. So, when it's hot, there's no escaping it. Especially if you have to be inside studying.

More boring stuff about the bar

2008-06-15T18:25:00.000-07:00

I got sick last week. We had contracts lectures M-W and luckily I was healthy for those because well, contracts is a bitch and our lecturer was great. Thursday I woke up feeling pretty terrible but managed to make it through the criminal law lecture which seemed sort of on the useless side. By Friday I was a snotting mess and cut out of the crim pro lecture (same guy, also useless for this subject) early. I managed to sleep and drug my way out of most of it but still have a bit of lingering stuffiness. Not fun, but glad to get it out of the way now.

I took an essay writing workshop today that is not part of barbri but another company and found it to be pretty helpful. Of course, you start hearing advice that contradicts what other people have said. I guess that's really true of all of law school. The trick is implementing what works for you and QUICKLY.

For those of you who remember Saved by the Bell, I constantly feel like Jessie Spano There's NEVER ENOUGH TIME.

Gah.

2008-06-07T14:58:00.000-07:00

So what I didn't realize when I posted that Zen moment is that the bar was still taking it's toll on me. I swear, it wasn't the drinks that made this happen... I received a gift from the friends we met for drinks and managed to leave it in a cab. Only, that wouldn't be so bad if it was an actual cab and there was a cab company I could call to get it back. No, no, too easy. We were in a janky limo. I don't even know if it was properly licensed or if it's associated with any particular company.

Blowing off steam

2008-06-06T21:41:00.001-07:00

one mojito +

one sidecar +

one glass of wine

out with friends who told me stories about my dad at the graduation party I wish I hadn't heard+

Indian delivery at home with the husband =

I think I forgot about the bar exam for at least a total hour.

::

2008-05-31T10:38:00.000-07:00

I find it fascinating that my score is actually going down with each set of evidence multiple choice questions that I do.

Why do I still care about grades?

2008-05-28T16:44:00.000-07:00

Just checked them and now I'm annoyed. I got a B on a take home. I should be okay with it. I graduated and will stay that way unless I fail something (hello, corporations). I should let it go and focus on that more important thing in front of me. I spent over half of the week that take home was due in Florida. But participation was something like 20% of our grade and I participated so I still feel shafted.

Notes to self

2008-05-25T17:14:00.000-07:00

A friend gifted me with "stuff for my desk" for graduation(including a girly calandar which was funny but is beside the point). So, I posted an "S" sticky note in front of me that says, "THIS IS THE BAR." To cover a little chip in the wall that drives me batty, I posted, "The more you do now, the sooner you can have a drink!"

Today I had the - oh this is why the bar really sucks - moment. I went to work out, then had the husband drop me off at school where I was meeting someone to study. He left and... the building was closed. And, I forgot my cell phone. My anxiety spiked and I ate three cookies on my walk home. Still, after wasting a lot of time this morning I had a pretty productive day of Con law despite lots of random feelings of I will NEVER learn all this. EVER. And I want more cookies.

Now we're going to go with some friends to see Indiana Jones. Yay!

This is the sound of settling

2008-05-23T18:20:00.000-07:00

I am getting into a routine which is good. BUT, it involves eating a lot of crap, which must stop starting tomorrow. I pretty much work out in the morning, go to lecture from 9-1, am home by about 1:20, then eat, check e-mail, take a break, study from 2-7. It's enough time so far, but I know that the work is going to start piling up soon and I still don't know whether I'm learning anything yet. I mean, on my con law problem sets I was all stoked after the first one today because I did pretty well. Then on the next one I was operating at like a 50%. Sigh.

But, my faith in barbri increased when Erwin Chemerinsky walked in to give our Con Law lectures.

I made a list of things that could keep me happy while I study for the bar. It's only week one and already I've "taken hot bath with wine," and bought a "cozy sweater." There are beautiful tulips on the kitchen table which I've commandeered. I think I'll be adding "buy fresh flowers every week" to that list. If I have to sit here for hours, I may as well be aesthetically pleased.

"This is a test to be feared"

2008-05-20T18:49:00.001-07:00

A quote from the dude on my barbri DVD. They actually made us watch a DVD after sitting through a 4 hour lecture. But, thankfully, they are easing us into this whole studying for the bar thing. Yesterday was just an hour and a half long introduction. Our first full length lecture was torts, a fun and relatively simple subject. At least I can say that as of Day 2, I have not fallen behind on the Paced Program. And, in a stroke of very good luck, my neighborhood parking permit is the same as the one for the barbri location, so I can get street parking which means, at least as of now, I can manage to work out and shower before I go. It's still a bit of a rush, but doable. They do recommend studying for 5 - 8 hours a day after lecture. I am designing my schedule around 5. We'll see how that goes.

The One with the Graduation

2008-05-18T20:59:00.000-07:00

This is the fourth time I've tried to start this post.

This morning I woke up at 8:00 am to blaring disco music and lots of loud people. It was Bay to Breakers. It's supposed to be a run through the city but, because San Franciscans love any excuse to dress up and drink, it always becomes a crazy, boozy parade. My parents and inlaws had the joy of seeing naked running men as well as lots of people in costumes peeing on houses. Speaking of ... a woman on our block was outside with a hose spraying anyone who tried to pee here. This is SO not the point of this post. This paragraph was supposed to say "This morning I woke up at 8:00 am and this afternoon I graduated from law school."

There are a lot of times when I don't think this is a huge accomplishment. I mean, over 400 people graduated with me and that is from only one of the hundreds of law schools in the country. And yet it started to hit me last night when I was surrounded by my supportive, generous friends who ate pizza, drank champagne, and danced to Sean Kingston with me in the hallway and with my dad to David Bowie. And it hit me a little more when I was in my robe in the parking lot of the hotel where my parents were staying a man said - "Doctorate in what field? Congrats!" And then when I sat sweating from the heavy robe in a packed audotorium between 2 of my best law school friends listening to an amazing professor followed by Willie Brown (the 2 preceding student speakers, not so much), it hit me a little more. I got all choked up. And I looked around, and I thought, damn. I busted ass and I did this.

And at dinner, toasting with the husband, his parents, his brother, my sister in law to be, my parents, and my grandmother, I realized that I did this with the support of everyone I love so much. And even though I'm the first in my family to go to college, let alone graduate from law school, I did it all standing on their shoulders. And crying on the shoulders of friends who magically knew when to get me drunk, take me shopping, or make me suck it up and get over myself.

Willie, I will remember what you said today and I will honor all the people who got me to this point and do good things.

Happy Graduation to Me

2008-05-13T16:22:00.000-07:00

Technically, happy joint graduation present to myself and birthday present from my mom.

...

2008-05-12T20:20:00.001-07:00

I'm done...

Oh - and...

2008-05-09T18:56:00.001-07:00

... if you ever find yourself in San Francisco, do yourself a favor and go eat at Gary Danko. We celebrated our third anniversary there Wednesday and it was heavenly. All great, but my favorites were the lobster risotto, the cheese course, and my dessert. A trio of creme brulees. I imagined a trio of small ones when I ordered. But no! It was THREE FULL SIZED creme brulees. And one was peanut butter flavored. Seriously.

So close.

2008-05-09T18:49:00.000-07:00

I have my last law school final on Monday. A lot of my friends are done, but I don't mind so much since I decided not to work this semester and had a cushy class schedule. I do, however, mind that I am stuck studying for corporations - a terrible class - all weekend long. Boo!

Tonight we're going to drink some wine and watch American Gangster. Tomorrow night I'm babysitting for two awesome girls (I've got to finance all my workouts and beauty regimens somehow.)And a week from Sunday law school is officially over. I anticipate a long, reflective post of some sort. The preview is ... It was challenging, sometimes I was a bitch, and sometimes I cried, but I am glad I went to law school. More to come.

Heavy Lifting

2008-04-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

I've started listening to the PMBR contracts lecture in my car. Today I picked up my BarBri books. I'm sort of staring at the boxes while I'm checking in with my Internet life. I am intensely craving a cocktail.

Update: I unpacked the boxes. I just poured a very full glass of wine.

Phew.

2008-04-26T16:31:00.001-07:00

"The Committee of Bar Examiners is pleased to advise you that you have been found to possess the good moral character required for certification to practice law in California."

It begins...

2008-04-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

I spent the morning finishing my capital punishment final and working on a final project for negotiations. The afternoon found me briefly falling into a depression because there is so very little time left of school which means the bar looms. So I spent the majority of my corporations class trying to finalize my bar study plans. It is already a given that I am going to do Bar/Bri. Aside from that, I have major problems with being indecisive. Should I do PMBR? What about a program my friend recommended, The Bar Code? How the hell am I ever going to decide what to do, much less DO IT??? What am I going to do to work out? Will that give me enough time to get to Bar/Bri and find parking? How acceptable is it to go to Bar/Bri stinky? To top it all off, I have post vacation blahs and pounds to deal with. What I have decided so far is that I am not doing the 6 day PMBR, but have all the materials friends have generously passed down. I may do a program through The Bar Code that provides feedback on Bar/Bri essays. I may also do an essay writing workshop through them, but that is to be decided. AND, I decided that I will make all of my decisions by the end of this weekend. I keep saying... I can decide later. But, I don't think that a freak ot in the middle of studying is the time to be making any decisions.

In other news, my dog now has a prescription for Xanax. The good news is that he is perfectly physically healthy. And, the prescription is only to be used for stressful events, such as being boarded or going on a long car ride. Meaning, he doesn't need daily anxiety meds. AND, his saintly dog walker said that she will take him the night of my graduation party while he's on his meds to see how it goes.

PS

2008-04-20T18:16:00.000-07:00

... Don't go see the movie Smart People. Despite a great cast and a great trailer, it was NOT great. After going to see that in the theater, we ate and then went back to our hotel room and ordered P.S. I Love You. While my companions were less than enthused, I actually kind of liked that one.

Spent

2008-04-20T17:38:00.000-07:00

We just got home from one of my BFF's destination weddings on Captiva Island, Florida. We were there for a week, staying at an amazing house where the wedding and reception were held. It was sunny and beautiful, but we were pretty busy getting ready so there wasn't a ton of enjoy the sun time.

I was also somewhat of a wreck because the pooch was having a really rough time. He always stays at the home of his dog walker. We usually return to funny pictures and cute stories about how he and the walker's dog played themselves silly and slept together in the human guest bed.

This time, our dog went ferrel. He hid under a car for hours, chewed furniture, stayed up all night whining, peed on things (including other dogs at the park!!), and even nipped at the feet of the walker's husband. They got through the week by (after asking the vet and us) giving him benadryl.

Understanding the impact this had on me requires a bit of background - this pooch is tough. He is loving and sweet, and sort of crazy. He's a rescued mix of two very active breeds - boxer and australian shephard. When we adopted him I took him to work as my office policy allowed. Until his cute antics became major annoyances. We put him in day care then finally interviewed walkers. The first told me I had to have him in intensive doggy therapy and training. Then the current walker came into our life and we felt so confident having her take him out during the day and overnight when we went out of town.

After this trying week, she said that she loves the pooch and will gladly still walk him but that she'll have a hard time convincing her husband to let him come back.

Because I was already exhausted, spent last night in a VERY depressing airport hotel in Fort Myers, spent all day flying on Southwest across country and then an hour at 4 different computers in the computer lab trying to print a stupid paper I wrote at the airport, I momentarily lost my shit.

But, my in laws offered to take care of the pooch on our 2 upcoming trips and we're going to take him to the vet. Some preliminary research indicates he may have a UTI, he may have a tumor, or he may have some behavioral issues that require a behaviorist or ... puppy prozac. A long time ago, I would have bristled at the thought of putting my dog on prozac. But all I want is for him to feel better.

Update

2008-04-07T13:14:00.000-07:00

* I hate writing personal statements. I was nominated to apply for a scholarship and just finished writing one. Every sentence took a long, painful time.

* I have 2 papers, 2 tests, and one project standing between me and graduation.

* I have 1 paper standing between me and a trip to Florida!

* Confession: I'm going fake tanning to get ready for above trip.

* My insomnia came to visit last night. I was awake for about an hour and a half thinking about what I was going to do about food for breakfast and lunch during the bar. Which, by the way, isn't for another 4 months.

Total - All Loans

2008-03-19T13:03:00.000-07:00

$110, 338.00 (which, by the way does not include my bar study loan)

"Are you happy to graduate?"
"Not really. They sort of put a damper on the joy with the whole giving you your loan statement and starting the bar study class the day after graduation, ya know?"

Overheard at San Quentin

2008-02-29T14:39:00.000-08:00

"Obama for president" ... from an inmate as I walked through one of the yards. I am not sure which way this cuts.

This is becoming the blog about everything but law school

2008-02-24T18:27:00.000-08:00

As I sat down to post about the Oscars, I realized that I post very little about law school these days. And that's because now that my competition is over and I am not working this semester I actually have time to forget I have homework. This weekend, my energies were focused on booking my post bar trip, deciding what type of pizza, sushi, and champagne (well, sparkling wine if you want to get technical) I want to have for my graduation party, working out and planning when I'm going to work out once I start my new job. Seriously. I love my life right now. I want that magical time stopping power that that chick on TV back in the 90s had because I know that soon I will have to study for the bar and this blog will get all negative and funny in a cynical sort of way again.

Bar Break - booked!

2008-02-23T18:15:00.000-08:00

After a lot of research and waiting for the good ole tax refund, we finally booked our flights to Thailand today. We also e-mailed all the hotels where we want to stay. 2 weeks, 4 hotels, lots of logistics to figure out. The plan as of now is 2 nights in Bangkok, 4 in Chiang Mai, 6 on Ko Samui, and 1 more in Bangkok. It's coming up quick, but there's the whole matter of the rest of this semester and the bar business...

relief baking?

2008-02-19T08:57:00.000-08:00

My competition went well. My partner and I had fun in the 2 preliminary rounds - something I usually can't do because I'm too nervous. We advanced to the semi finals which was great but not to the finals. While neither of us was happy to lose, we were happy to have time off and get our lives back. 3 back to back 3 hour rounds = exhaustion.

I "rewarded" myself by eating and drinking too much. I did a lot of laundry and cleaning the next day and baked some chocolate chip banana bread. I have to say that it turned out perfectly:

Ingredients:
1/2 c. butter or margarine, softened
1 c. sugar
2 eggs
2 ripe banana, mashed
2 c. all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 c. semisweet chocolate mini-morsels
1/2 c. chopped nuts

Directions:
Cream butter; gradually add sugar, beating well at med. speed of elec. mixer. Add eggs, one at a time, beating after each addition. Stir in bananas.

Combine flour and next 3 ingredients; gradually add to creamed mixture, beating until blended. Stir in mini-morsels and nuts.

Spoon into greased 9 x 5 x 3 inch loafpan (I used glass and baked for 1 hour). Bake at 350 for 1 hr. & 10 min. or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean, shielding with aluminum foil after 1 hour. Cool in pan 10 minutes; remove and cool completely on wire rack.

I know, I know, it will go straight to my thighs.

2008-02-13T20:06:00.000-08:00

I have a competition this weekend which means that my anxiety level is operating at orange or red or whatever color the government has decided means REALLY HIGH. As I might have mentioned, I tend to stress bake. Not sure if it's the actual act of baking or the act of shoving sugar in my face that helps. While I was in the middle of trying to memorize a speech, I headed to the cupboard to eat a spoonful of brown sugar, also konwn as my version of crack, and realized that today called for some chocolate chip cookies. But then, another food related source of happiness arrived, our produce box. And I thought, maybe I should just eat an apple and that will do the trick. So I ate grabbed a delicious, crisp apple and took a bite. And it didn't do the trick but it sure tasted good in between bites of cookie dough.

blah

2008-02-09T10:19:00.000-08:00

This week has been rough and things are going to be rough until next Sunday. Last night we went out for drinks with some friends which was fun but given my week and my mood, I had a three greyhound
dinner.

Super exciting Friday night

2008-02-01T18:31:00.000-08:00

I'm watching My Big Redneck Wedding, a show about, well, redneck weddings. I had a very outdoorsy, low key wedding. But man, right now they're shopping for wedding attire in the camoflauge aisle of a hunting store. Seriously. The last episode just showed a couple whose procession rode up on ATVs and then used the ATVs to drag guests on mattresses (for fun, I think)during the reception.

I am also doing laudry. My friend is having a party tonight and I'm not going because I'm to tired, which says something about how exciting my life is right now. In fairness, I am having a glass of wine, which is delicious after a long day - spent the morning running the very intense Lyon Street Stairs. And, on a tangent, that run was the finish to my 4th week of boot camp. Where is the year going !?! The good news is that I've lost 3% of my body fat. Suhweet. I'm definitely signing up for the next session.

I spent the rest of the day doing work for a competition I have in 2 weeks. Tomorrow we have a practice trial at 9 am. I love this stuff, but I have to say I am ready for the competition to be over so that I can be a really lazy 3L.
UPDATE: I was just reading the reviews posted on the above link to the Lyon Street Stairs. I saw this quote:

"...the steps have it all: views of the bay, the Palace of Fine Arts, lavish Pacific Heights mansions (including Dianne Feinstein's house), beautifully sculpted gardens, a somewhat under-utilized adjacency to the Presidio, and of course 50 copies of the same 27-year-old woman in extremely fashionable (and tight) sports outfits running up and down while listening to God knows what on their ipods." I wonder if I fit into that category now. For the record - I'm 26! And I'm listening to Ludacris, Move Bitch, and I don't wear lululemon. Because I can't afford it - yet.

Greening

2008-01-25T20:48:00.000-08:00

So, one of my sort of resolutions this year was to start greening our house. I started with laundry detergent. We are pretty partial to original Tide, which smells great and can often be found for a great price. I've been busy, so, my first 2 Tide alternatives are available at Safeway, where we currently get most of our groceries.

First, we tried Planet Liquid Laundry Detergent. Great results, biodegradable, phosphate free, non - toxic, and not tested on animals. I don't remember how many loads it did, but it was $9.99 compared to the same size tide at about half the price.

The next experiment in laundry detergent, and what we're currently using, is Method, HE compatible, super concentrated laundry detergent . I love the high concentration because I know that powder is much grenner than liquid (aka, shipping water). But, I have a hard time using powder without adverse affects on my blacks. What is selling for $8 online or slightly more at Safeway is enough for 32 loads, much more than my usual Tide or even Planet. And, the Sweet Water smells fantastic. The one downside is the design. The cap is really difficult to deal with, locking at times and hard to secure at others. This one isn't fragrance/ color free (Planet is).

I think my next move will be trying powder again... we'll see how that goes.

I also tried to procure a greener detergent for the dish washer. The Safeway I went to didn't have any environmentally friendly brands (online, they have the Planet brand powder.) So, I decided to at least make the switch from liquid to powder. I decided on the Safeway brand tablets. I felt really proud of myself until I got them home and realized ther were INIDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED in PLASTIC! So, a big F for me on that one. I will be trying the Planet or Method, non tablet-ized powder next.

Another step that I took after being inspired by A -- I signed up for organic produce deliver from Capay Organic. (Thanks A - this was originally labelled as the name of the airline we're hopefully flying to Thailand.)

Please post any suggestions you have on going green!

I'm thinking...

2008-01-24T20:41:00.001-08:00

... about a post bar trip. Hopefully Thailand. Bangkok, Chiang Mai, then Koh Samui.

... that I want to sign up for the next session of boot camp. I have been really tired and my body is doing weird things. Like needing naps and hurting a lot. But tonight when the husband was cooking and the smoke alarm went off and I had to waft a towel under it for a while, as I often do, my arms didn't get tired. At all. I was like, hey, I could do this with one hand while doing one leg squats and holding a 5 lb weight in the other. I shouldn't spend the money, but I can't imagine that I would be doing sprints and lunges in the rain on my own, you know?

... I have about five articles of clothing that fit well and I actually like. But, I have about a zillion dollars that I have to spend on attire for various weddings and related bachellorette activities. So, even if I sign up for more boot camp and have those high and tight glutes, they may not look so hot in my old ratty jeans.

... I actually sort of like law school this semester. It is amazing how decent it can be when you're not working too.

Dare I say it?

2008-01-08T17:24:00.000-08:00

I think it is time for me to go back to school. Last winter break, I was working so this is the first time I've had a whole month off in... a really long time. It was great - I got to do a lot of fun running around for the holidays, our house has been generally cleaner and happier, I read six novels, visited a friend in Portland, spent a lot of time with other friends and the dog, spent three days in a feverish haze. But well, today I ran one errand on my master "list of things to get done on the break" and made one phone call on the same list.

By the way - tracking down jobs I've had since age 18 for the moral character application? A total pain in the ass. I've always had multiple jobs at a time and well, that shop where I sold clothes and put together skateboards? They don't keep such great records.

Anyway, for the rest of the day, I fucked around on the internet and watched four episodes of The Real Housewives of Orange County. I also got incredibly angry at our neighbor over laundry and had to talk myself out of having a drink at 4:00. In my defense, every part of my body from my neck to my knees hurt from bootcamp. But still, I think I need to get back to being busy and having a schedule.

Ringing in the New Year

2008-01-04T09:47:00.000-08:00

2007 in review: the husband got a promotion, we took an amazing trip to Belize, I made progress in the school and job fronts, we moved into an awesome new apartment that feels like home, I quit smoking and said goodbye to an extra 20 pounds or so.

It only makes sense that following such a pleasant year (okay, I am skipping over the self imposed where should I work and live and will I ever be happy anguish and loosing hair and sleep stress from the fall) I am starting this one by torturing myself. Despite STORM WATCH 2008, I am starting an outdoor fitness bootcamp next week. For reals. I haven't worked out regularly since, oh, maybe five years ago. But what better time than in the pooring rain and wind knocking trees and power lines to the ground?

2008 in preview: I don't die when trying to workout during January, but in fact become stronger, develop a love of running stairs and lifting weights and am not afraid to wear a bikini around my friends during trip to Florida in April for a BFF's wedding. I commit to my yoga practice. A fabulous meal at Gary Danko to celebrate our third wedding anniversary. I graduate law school and the celebrations are in fact fun and not family drama filled. I don't die of stress, anxiety, or boredeom when studying for/ taking the bar. Or kill the husband. We celebrate another friend's wedding. We take a fabulous post bar trip - hopefully to Thailand. I start and love, or at least like, my new job and it pays enough so that there is actually something left after student loans, rent, and gas are due. We celebrate two more weddings. I take my grandma to wine country so she can embarass me by asking V. Sattui if they make white Zinfandel. Along the way, I read novels and see friends, and go to movies, and spend more quality time with the husband and the dog. Here's to hoping for a fabulous 2008.

Holiday Cheer from the Fam

2007-12-26T12:50:00.000-08:00

We just returned from visiting my parents for Christmas. All in all, it was a good trip. Christmas was great, everyone behaved themselves for the most part, there was an abundance of food and presents.

We got rear ended, but no one was hurt and the car was okay to drive home. I need to get in touch with the body shop and our insurance and all that, but first, I had to share two gems. I've always been leery of typed holiday newsletters, but think my mom got two this year that may take the gold and silver.

#1: From a great Aunt in Oklahoma

"Just wanted to update you about that has been happening with us. We are OK now and even put up our Christmas Tree today. Trying to get in the spirit.

We are drained, for now. We had to install new central heat and air, buy 4 new tires and have both septic tanks drained within four weeks.

On December 3rd, I had X (my great uncle, grandpa's brother) take me to the hospital, because I had trouble breathing. I just worked myself into an anxiety attack. Nerves pills and an inhaler are the anser for now. I will see Dr after the first of January. Several of the immediate family have not had employment for awhile and I guess I was more concerned and worried that I realized.

We are exhausted, since not having electricity for 5 days and being closed up together, I wish I could have a smoke, ha ha. None since August with God's help!!

Y (their son) had knee surgery Thursday and I have talked to him twice.

Z (my grandpa's other brother) has another aorta aneurism, that is growing long instead of bulbous.

X got wrapped up in a dog leash while taking the neighbors dog home, three days ago, and took a header. he fell to the ground and hit his left eyebrow and caught himself with his fists. He has a left black eye and both fists swelled immediately. We took him the next day to have the fire dept cut off his wedding ring. It was really imbedded anyway because of his weight, but this made it really bad. They had to cut it on the top and bottom, it was so tight.

Well, I have housework to do and cards to finish. I guess I need a new vacuum, this one doesn't like my floor anymore.

Just wanted to brighten your day, Love...

#2 is technically not a newsletter, but a crossword puzzle. It comes from a second cousin of mine. There are about 60 -ish clues. Among my favorites are:
Wife's mom had this surgery in September.
Cause of Daughter's surgerires
Daugher's grafted body part
Other Daughter's total number o concussions
Number of weeks Wife lived in a hip brace and on bed rest
Most number of medical appointments in four days for us
Where Daughter got her new body part
Where Wife's dad was buried in June
Cause of Wife's multiple surgeries
Number of Wife's trips to see the hip surgeon
Number of weeks Daugher missed school due to her surgery
One of Daughter's two surgeon-allowed activities
Friend who flew with Wife for her 6 week post op check
Something Daugher will never do again due to permanent knee injury

I mean, who can't feel the joy??

Done. And.

2007-12-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

So, after a couple 14+ hour days of handwriting a 44 page single space outline in my Cal Civ Pro rule book, I finished finals last Thursday. Then I ran away to visit a friend in Portland. It was great and very Pacific Northwest. By that, I mean we went to a juicing party on Saturday. By that, I mean a party where you bring over a variety of fruit and juice it. Seriously. On Sunday it was snowing softly, the first snow of the season, as we shopped downtown. Oddly, the insomnia set in on the trip. I was mostly okay throughout finals but in Portland, and still, I am waking up at odd hours. Instead of freaking out about it, I've been reading. I finished A Thousand Splendid Suns. Like the Kite Runner, an amazing, amazing book. Not easy, but, well, amazing. I've been scurrying around to prepare for a few holiday parties and wrapping presents and the like. I am not a super holiday person but for reasons unknown have been really craving this Christmas.

And, for reasons I'm unwilling to blog in detail, I am really, really sick of flakey people making excuses

Phew

2007-12-03T13:14:00.001-08:00

Passed the MPRE.

We R in Ur Computer, Killing Ur Billable Minutz

2007-12-03T07:23:00.000-08:00

I spent many wasted professional responsibility classes cracking up at the Lolcats.

My morning was off to a good start with the introduction of Lawlcats.

Enjoy.

A sign of why lawyers/ law students are not normal

2007-11-29T19:41:00.001-08:00

From my notes:

• Slayer rule/ Son of Sam: Can’t profit from life ins if you kill insured. Can’t make 2nd killing on writing book about ppl you murdered. But, can write book, $ to V

Progress Report

2007-11-24T12:42:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving. We went to visit the husband's family and had a great time and lots of great food. I am still giving myself a pat on the back for not bringing home any leftovers of my favorites: my father in law's yams fried in butter or mother in law's pumpkin cheesecake.

On Friday we went shopping for our Christmas present from the in laws. I really wanted to post a picture, but the exact thing we bought isn't online. It's a brown leather Ottoman with nesting cubes inside. It's great because we need extra seating in our living room, but again, the odd shape means we can't put a second couch or loveseat or even a recliner in there. So, the ottoman will serve as a bench and if we have more people over we can take out the cute little cubes and the top of the ottoman turns over and becomes a serving tray. Of course, bringing it home meant moving the spare bed someone donated to us out of the living room where it's propped against a wall for the past two weeks. That bed went into the office which is now both an office and a guest bedroom. The very comfortable chaise lounge someone donated to us went into our bedroom after many long debates about possible layouts. The poor dog -- broken and exhausted from running around the in laws house like a maniac -- was very dismayed that we were changing his sleeping arrangements. Today he seems to be having a good time testing them all out.

Amidst all the eating and house arranging, I managed to get some work done and have finished both of my papers. Only two finals stand between me and a month off. Speaking of... I think it is time to confront the Cal Civ Pro outline.

Flor!

2007-11-19T18:28:00.001-08:00

The husband and I just ordered our Christmas present to each other - Flor - super cool carpet tiles that can be washed in the washing machine. They are also perfect for our living room because it is a bit funky what with the 1900s wallpaper trim and oddly shaped Victorian room and all. We couldn't find a regular rug that wasn't hopelessly boring or didn't cost a semester of my law school tuition or one that would work with the odd shape. We're getting 16 tiles in a mix of the following:

Blah.

2007-11-18T20:08:00.000-08:00

Finals. Blah. I spent the weekend trying to write a paper and am about 2/3 done with the draft. But, I feel like I should have been much more productive this weekend. I'm hoping to get this finished before Thanksgiving, work on paper #2 over Thursday and Friday, then start getting my act together for the two tests I have, one which is scaring the be-jezus out of me.

In happier news, the husband and I went out for a good meal last night where I established for sure my growing love of Brandy, this time in the form of a Sidecar. This afternoon I had fun at a book club meeting, got some online Christmas shopping done and just finished another great meal. But, I still have the finals crust and feel icky. Maybe I'll have to hit up my pumpkin ice cream stash...

2007-11-11T20:19:00.000-08:00

I think I just had the three worse weeks of law school. But, being the freak that I am, despite the misery that was last week, the thought I had yesterday over a fantastic afternoon cocktail was - wow, I can do that?! Cool. The whole thing about law school is that each semester it can suck in multiple and new ways. But, after each challenge is a sense of strength. Okay, maybe a "drunk" and then some sleep, and then a movie and pedicure and then a sense of strength.

Today I slept in, booked a lot of friend related wedding travel (Florida and Tahoe), ordered some Flor samples, and saw Dan in Real Life . Like Knocked Up which we watched last night, was a good, sort of depressing real life comedy with a happy ending. I recommend both.

Now I am going to drink some wine and watch The Wire.

Post MPRE thought

2007-11-03T15:23:00.000-07:00

I could have gotten 100% or 0. I really have no clue. When I started the test, I was all, wow, this is easy. I'm going to finish super early. Then it got a little more fuck me. You don't have to do super well to pass (until next year when the powers that be raise the requisite scores), but as of right now that only has me worried that I'll look like a big ding dong if I have to retake it.

Also, not sure if this is true and I am too lazy to look it up, but someone I work with told me the MPRE was born of Watergate because many people involved were lawyers violating the rules of professional conduct. Thankz, Prez.

::

2007-10-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Legally Blonde I am doing this instead of work. Although I will note that it is 8:16 pm and I was doing work up until dinner time.

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night. I was sick and cranky. But, the husband and dog make me laugh pretty often.

2. What were you doing at 0800? Walking to Cal Civ Pro.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Finishing homework or about to pour a glass of wine.

4. What happened to you in 2006? I survived 1L, had a great summer job where I met a very close friend, went on my honeymoon do-over to Kauai, and started 2L

5. What was the last thing you said out loud? "Mingus, come with me. I'll give you some squash."

6. How many beverages did you have today? So many. Water, a nonfat sugar free vanilla latte, more water, fizzy water, a coke zero, more water, Chardonnay.

7. What color is your hairbrush? Purple.

8. What was the last thing you paid for? A coke zero.

9. Where were you last night? Doing homework on the couch while the husband watched Monday night football and in bed by ten.

10. What color is your front door? Sort of... a berry color.

11. Where do you keep your change? I HATE change. Seriously. Phobic about it. It's so dirty. But, I keep it in my wallet during the day and then deposit it in our change savings which is actually a Susan G. Koman tennis ball container. Our dog has pink balls.

12. What’s the weather like today? Cold and kind of steely gray during the day. I am still wearing my scarf.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? Right now I am seriously craving pumpkin. I haven't had real ice cream since I started Weight Watchers in April but I will have some pumpkin ice cream sometime this fall.

14. What excites you? Excites is a funny word. I am inspired by cheesy sports movies like Remember the Titans and We are Marshal. If I need to get pumped up I listen to Eminem and Kanye West. I look forward to vacations with my husband and having a month off to get our apartment in order... finally.

15. Do you want to cut your hair? I don't think so. I had short bob type hair all through college and almost cut it recently but I think I am liking it longer.

16. Are you over the age of 25? Yes, although I keep telling people I'm 25 on accident.

17. Do you talk a lot? I do.

18. Do you watch the O.C.? No, although that is mostly because the husband hates it.

19. Do you know anyone named Steven? Tangentially.

20. Do you make up your own words? Not really.

21. Are you a jealous person? Not really.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’. She knows who she is.

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’. I have a few.

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? My dog walker. She's the best. The pooch had a split toe-nail she wanted to tell me about.

25. What does the last text message you received say? "We're at the pig." In reference to where to meet for drinks last Friday.

26. Do you chew on your straw? No. The thought makes me twitchy.

27. Do you have curly hair? No, but it's sort of messy and wavy these days.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? Watch the Biggest Looser then bed.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? I tend to avoid rude people. However my dad is kinda unavoidable.

30. What was the last thing you ate? Cod and butternut squash. YUM!

31. Will you get married in the future? Dear God I hope not.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks? Michael Clayton in the theater.

33. Is there anyone you like right now? Lots. I love the husband and am really appreciating all the friends who put up with my intense neuroses.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes? This morning. But I didn't do all of them and the husband finished all of them before making dinner. Score.

35. Are you currently depressed? No, just stressed which is causing me to loose hair which is sort of depressing.

36. Did you cry today? Nope that was yesterday.

37. Why did you answer and post this? That is a good question...

I'd rather be...

2007-10-28T08:51:00.000-07:00

In college, my roommates and I used to play a game where we would list in horrific, morbid detail all of the things we would rather be doing than sitting in class, studying, writing a paper, etc. Things like: pulling all my nails off and eating them. Gross, I know. Now I am much less prone to make gory, graphic lists. But, if I were to make a list this morning of things I'd rather do than study for the MPRE, read remedies, or revise things for the competition I have in less than two weeks, it would include Christmas shopping for others and... just shopping... for myself. Things I want today (the second is a find from my much more fashionable friend.)

Yes, as a matter of fact. My father is God and I am Jesus.

2007-10-15T22:01:00.000-07:00

I just returned from a mock trial competition. We won both of our rounds, but given the nature of the competition, we got honorable mention and didn't have enough points to go to the semi finals. The cut was 24 teams down to 4 after one round of preliminaries. I'm not complaining - I got a nice day off that included a pedicure and the movie Michael Clayton - a good movie, although odd to see with a bunch of lawyers/ aspiring lawyers. As if to say: look, all of your lives will be fucked. Work hard!

To comment on the San Diego crowd... After finishing our competition and waiting around for results, it was about midnight on Friday before we could get food. We were walking through the Gas Lamp district when we were called "preppy cunts." As if that weren't enough, on a hunt to buy booze (downtown apparently doesn't sell it after 10 pm, thank God for mini bars), a car full of drunk dudes pulled over and asked me if my mom was still a virgin. I really felt as if I should be carrying a 12 pack of Natty Ice and wearing a trucker hat to fit in.

The next three weeks have me about to explode - another competition coming up in 3 weeks, the MPRE, a final for professional responsibility which by the way is the Worst. Class. In. The. History. Of. Law. School. Period.

On another note, I am actually thinking about signing up for a fitness boot camp that starts in late November, after Thanksgiving. I can't really imagine sprinting at 5:30 am during finals and in the midst of some crap weather. But, I am really feeling the need to start getting in shape.

Finally, I feel like my blog template may have kept me from posting regularly. I didn't like it. We'll try out this one and see how it goes.

alternate career part 456

2007-10-05T16:09:00.001-07:00

Instead of being a lawyer... I want to be a country song writer. I've always been a selective country fan. I can hardly call myself a fan of the overall genre because a lot of the songs are too much about God and America. But, there are some comforting easy to sing along songs. Lately, I've been listening to The Wolf. Currently, Brooks and Dunn are singing "sit right here and have another beer in Mexico." I mean, hey, who wouldn't want to do that? I decided that there need to be some urban country songs -- for those of us who may like twangy guilty pleasures and can relate to drinks on vacation, and loving family, and being happy or sad or broke or pissed at a boyfriend but not to pastures and cowboy hats and huge plots of land. See, this is where I think I could be of use to the country music industry.

I really should have spent this afternoon studying for my midterm or editing my trial team stuff. Instead I have baked 5 batches of walnut drop cookies for my friend for her birthday. To my credit, I'm also doing laundry...

It's a myth people.

2007-10-04T07:09:00.001-07:00

3L is not any easier, at least not in the amount of work. As I've mentioned before, there is less fear that we can't get through the semester or (for some of us) won't get hired. We know we won't pass out when speaking in public or being called on when unprepared. But, the fear is replaced with fatigue and I have just as much work to do this fall as I did last fall. More so because I'm doing 2 trial competitions. So, while last year I could cross something off my list completely after my first competition, this year it's just, cross something off my list but no reduction in workload.

I've taken to having pre coffee caffeine in the form of Chai tea before I leave the house.

Namaste

2007-09-23T20:41:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of Autumn. I was reminded of that by my insane need to drink a bottomless cup of tea while studying and my yoga teacher telling us to eat squash and apples from the farmer's market because our nutrition would help our practice. I sort of trust him because every Sunday night I come home blitzed out and light headed from spending at least twenty minutes upside down, all sore muscles and blood rushing to my head. Today it was Sarvangasana-- shoulder stand.

This has nothing to do with what I started out intending to blog about. I started out intending to complain. It is my third year and I want to be less busy. While at least I know what I'm doing, I still have a lot to do. Maybe even more than last year. And my employment situation is... self torture. I guess the difference is that I didn't go to a single yoga class my first year. Not because I couldn't have, but because I wouldn't let myself. I smoked a lot and ate poorly and gained wait. Not because it made my grades any better or got me a job, but because I didn't follow the lesson I'd learned so many times over: take care of yourself first.

::

2007-09-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

At the very least, 4 semesters have clued me into knowing when I'll be called on. I had the feeling this morning. In fact, the husband and I woke up at 5:12 am. He: Shit, I didn't take out the trash. Me: I have to start drinking coffee imediately and reread that case because I think I really might get called on. Sure enough, my quite fabulous professor called out my name about fifteen minutes into class. My first name is quite common and when he said it, I thought hopefully it might be someone else. But, no. He was looking right at me. At least I'd sort of read the case and had really read it for 1L Civ Pro and could at least say "candied breakfasts" signifying that I'd actually read the case. Even if I didn't know the elements of fraud and the policy reasons why it should be pled with particularity.

I had a good attitude about it all. But, the whole time I was thinking... really? I'm so over being called on.

Extremist

2007-09-10T21:33:00.000-07:00

Recently, I saw a Sex in the City rerun where Carrie and Miranda got into a fight while shopping. Carrie accused Miranda of being judgmental and said, in paraphrase, that when she saw a flaw in someone she bailed.

I don't bail, really, ever, on people I care about. But life is short and there are things that I don't feel the need to tolerate - as callous as that sounds.

Recently, a friend revealed a side that I am, quite frankly, repulsed by. Do you have friends who have one set of patterns or behavior that you disagree with but ignore for the sake of the friendship and other "good" qualities? What are friendship deal breakers for you?

My ass is smaller and so is my bank account.

2007-09-03T17:55:00.000-07:00

I made a resolution at the beginning of the year. It was "health." To that end I quit smoking and lost nearly twenty pounds. Now I've added exercise to the mix and am getting back into a regular yoga practice. Last night my teacher told me I had great external hip rotation. Sweet. Anyway, this is all great and makes me very happy. Except for two things.

First, learning to accept my body is hard. I always thought I'd like my body "if I lost twenty pounds." But, I've lost it, and nope, still not happy with my body. I'm proud of myself, but when people compliment me, I find myself thinking, yeah, but I still have a flabby stomach. I'm hoping the exercise will help with that.

The second is that none of my clothes fit and, being broke makes it hard to replace stuff, especially suits. I had a gift certificate to Ann Taylor from my birthday which I went to use today. And ended up spending an extra, oh, $700. I was solo, though, and I am maybe the world's most indecisive shopper. I bought everything I thought I liked and the husband helped me choose what to keep -- navy skirt suit, white button up, brown croc pumps:

and what to return -- wine skirt suit that had a fun cut. He pronounced it great for a time when we have enough money to buy red suits.

bridesmaidery and the bar exam

2007-08-26T18:47:00.000-07:00

I have two friends getting married next year and have been asked to be a bridesmaid in both weddings. Unfortunately, one is out of town (about a 4 hour drive) and right in the middle of bar review. There has been some conflict between this friend and I in discussing the importance of the bar vs. the importance of a wedding, a quite dreadful comparison to make. We're trying to work it out. Essentially, I would need to spend a Thursday and Friday in transit/ at wedding events. I wish Bar/Bri released the schedule earlier so I could figure out what, if anything, I would be missing. I don't want the test to come before a friendship, but I also have worked really hard for this and want to do everything in my power to pass that fucker on the first try. Thoughts?

Back in the saddle

2007-08-24T07:50:00.000-07:00

After a trip to a wine bar with two friends a few nights ago, one friend e-mailed me "I love 3L so much I could marry it." Another friend (and here I use the term loosely, she is not someone I'm particularly close to) said to me earlier that week: "SKH, you seem a lot more relaxed and mellow than in previous semesters. Before you were always running around and seemed really stressed." I don't think I'm going to be much less busy than in previous semesters - I'm taking a few less units, thanks to the hellish load I took last fall. But, I'm still going to be interning 2 days/ semester, I have 2 competitions this semester as opposed to one, I have a midterm, a class with an early final, and the MPRE to deal with. But, I just don't have it in me to stress any more. Or, I've just gotten used to a sustained level of stress and become desensitized. Maybe an anecdote will explain better...

I was walking home from school on Tuesday when I noticed that my new bag was dripping all over my cute new business dress. In a pattern that would lead a passer by to think I'd peed my pants. I stopped, discovering that my 20 oz water bottle was not properly closed and had spilled in my bag, ruining my Cal Civ Pro book and, potentially, my lap top cord. I didn't cry or break down or call the husband or my mom. I just picked up the pace and kept walking. What else could I do?

::

2007-07-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

I spent my Saturday morning trying to get signatures for a politician's campaign in front of a, well, let's say particularly colorful Safeway. For the most part, people just went out of their way to avoid eye contact. If you think that you are being sly when you do this to people who you fear are going to ask for your money, or worse, time, you are very, very mistaken. You are totally obvious. I think it's interesting that in a city that is political as SF, people wouldn't even take the time to help get a candidate on the ballot. But, I didn't mind those people as much as the ones who wanted to talk to me and still wouldn't sign or the crazies. There were some funny crazies who wanted to talk about George Bush, the man, etc. Then there were the crazy crazies who came close to throwing me over the edge. One went so far as to get in my face and tell me that what I was doing was illegal. Freak. I managed to get him out of my face and ended my shift shortly thereafter. I got about 27 signatures in an hour and a half. This, apparently is good. 10 an hour is considered successful. This, is something I will not likely do again.

Today, we went out and bought a flat screen. At Costco. While not the most fun way to spend a morning, I am loving the 37 inch version of the Food Network Star finale and look forward to enjoying the rest of the Harry Potter series in the same fashion. Although, I almost had some major buyer's remorse because the picture is sort of wide and fuzzy. The husband assures me that this is only because we don't yet have the appropriate cable receiver.

I spent the rest of the day working at a six year old's birthday party. The theme was: "What Kind of Cake Will You Make?" and there were 16 girls split into four groups each with one harried adult at the helm of cake making. My cake was a heart shaped chocolate cake with vanilla butter cream and "sprinkles." Sprinkles meaning chocolate chips, gummy worms, M &Ms, 4 types of sprinkles, and mini Hershey kisses. I called it the dump cake because the "sprinkles" were about two inches thick.

New home sweet home

2007-07-02T19:13:00.001-07:00

We moved. Into a TWO BEDROOM apartment. While complaints about our previous place pepper this entire blog, you can see them most clearly here, here, here, and here.

The new place rocks for many reasons including the following: a living room + huge bedroom + huge walk in closet + wide hallway + EXTRA bedroom + huge well remodeled kitchen + non coin operated laundry right out of my back door + neighborhood with great parking. There is, however, a dog size hole in the fence of our side yard. Our dog walker had kept the pooch Friday night and most of Saturday. She brought him home while we were enjoying our traditional celebratory meal of pizza and champagne. After moving on Saturday, we spent a long time Sunday cleaning the new place. When we finished, I dropped the husband off at the new house and headed to the grocery store. He called sounding sort of accusatory.

"Do you remember leaving the back door wide open?"

"No, actually, I thought I shut it. Did I leave it open? And if so... Oh shit! Where's The DOG???"

"He was here, lying on the couch. But, the back door was wide open (and, his tone said, he could have run away and been hit and killed by a speeding Range Rover)."

This is what my father always called female head up ass syndrome. And that, he would say proudly, is not the same as being on the rag.

Please recommend...

2007-06-16T20:41:00.000-07:00

... Your mileage credit card or any commentary regarding the following iteneraries. Since I have to pay for, like, the bar and all in the next year, I want to at least get some 1st class upgrades or something. Here are some trips we may or must take in the next year or so:

San Francisco to Fort Meyers, Florida (must)
San Francisco to Palm Springs, CA (must)
San Francisco to...(these are all possibilities for a family trip and/ or bar break)
US Virgin Islands
Puerto Rico
Costa Rica
Thailand
Anywhere in Hawaii
Cabo San Lucas and vicinity
Uh, back to Belize
Australia
New Zealand
Other???

"Is it worth it? Let me work it."

2007-06-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

Not that it's anything new for law school bloggers, but I have a lot I want to say about my summer job that is entirely inappropriate to blog. In the most general terms there are things I love and things likely to drive me to drink. While I'm certain of the work I'm going to do and am quite used to working a lot, this particular experience has made me more appreciative of law school. So... I will enter 3L with gratitude and try to enjoy it, even if that just means taking naps at 2 pm because I can and going on long weekend trips because I don't have class on Fridays.

I got my grades and was completely confused. My GPA is the highest its been. But, the sources were unexpected. Solid Bs in the easiest of my classes, and A ranges where I was sure I would see Cs.

In unrelated news, I went with a BFF to try on wedding dresses today. She is gorgeous and looks fabulous in everything. Her wedding is on Captiva Island in Florida and I truly can't wait to wear my turqouise bridesmaid dress.

Fo' reals?

2007-06-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

Promising D.A.'s office law clerk fired for lying. He claimed he was law student and that he had passed bar.

That's just ballsy. And dumb. And ballsy.

Land Sick

2007-05-25T19:26:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write about Belize since we got back last week. I've been not wanting to write about Belize because doing so would be sort of the last step back towards reality. Since I've finished my first week at the summer job, and am still feeling somewhat land sick, I figured it is time. But, I'm having a hard time because it was so beautiful and moving and FUN and... at the same time.

The basics: we stayed on Ambergris Caye, an island off the north coast of Belize (which is in Central America, bordered by Honduras, Mexico, and Guatemala). To get there from SF, we had to fly from SF to Houston, Houston to Belize, take a tin can air plan to San Pedro, Ambergris Caye, then a cab through the city, then a boat to the resort. The entire vacation cost less than our trip to Maui or Kauai and I felt like we did more and definitely drank more. I guess the fact that we cooked quite a bit helped offset the meal costs.

Some highlights: snorkeling with rays and nurse sharks, diving for conch, having too many margaritas and thus, getting talked into zip lining, zip lining, cave tubing (this is going down a river through cave formations on an inner tube with an adult sippy cup of rum punch in hand), seeing (and hearing!) Howler monkeys, taking a renegade bike ride on the "express way" (one lane sandy path that was flanked by palm leaves and littered with coconuts. I managed to hit a coconut, spin out, skid through the sand and land in the water), drinks with names like Panty Rippa and Chi Chi Mama made with fresh fruit while listening to reggae, playing dice with honeymooners and our new friends, reading novels under the palapa by the pool, riding boats. We road so many boats, in the daytime, in the dark, stars all close and huge. I now LOVE boats.

Two things that require more space: 1) The chicken drop. In the town of San Pedro, there is a Wed night tradition. You buy a square (1 - 100). Then, well, some lucky person gets to pull a chicken out of the basket and drop it in the pen. Wherever the chicken shits = winner of the pot. 2) Dinner at Rojo Lounge. Now on my top five meals ever list. On the beach in swanky recliner style chairs. Conch pizza, a bottle of wine and sand between our toes.

The waters were an amazing turquoise. Schools of fish spent days under the deck in front of our hotel. We drank iced coffee on the deck while looking at the ocean stretching fifteen steps in front of us.

And, there were no Walmarts!

There were some bugs, and some power outages due to the government not paying the electricity bill. There were fires burning across the mainland because the soil gets hot and sap or a little waste will start a fire and it will just burn and burn. There were so many very skinny dogs. Belizians don't belive in feeding their dogs dog food. The dogs are called pot lickers becuase they are fed only by being given the pot to lick after dinner. On the way home from the chicken drop night, the last image I saw in San Pedro town, is a dog knocking over a garbage can and licking a tin can that fell out. As I was bumping along in the back of the golf cart (the only motorized transportation that can cross the bridge from town to the north) I thought - this place has made my heart grow a lot and break a little at the same time.

When can we go back?

Validation

2007-05-23T19:35:00.000-07:00

The husband sent this to me via e-mail with the subject line: Maybe she was in finals?

Reading List

2007-05-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

I should have posted this sooner... I am about to go on a trip which means lots of reading for me. Currently on my reading list:

Eat, Pray, Love
Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto
The Namesake

Any other recommendations? I'll review when I get back.

Where I Get Sappy

2007-05-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

2L - check.

Hasn't completely sunk in that it's over, but it is over. I have my third year and the bar left. After some champagne and the elation of being finished, I told the Husband it's all going fast. His look said: just Monday you were about to hyperventilate and puke and stayed up until midnight and got up at four and I am really tired of this wife in law school thing but if this is how you feel right now, well, okay then it is going by fast let me pour you a celebratory drink because I sure need one. And his look was right, as evidenced by this blog and all the moments when I can't sleep and hate law school and feel insecure and am broke. But, I've said it many times and I'm sticking to it: the lows are low and the highs make it worth it. I may not get an A in, well any class. But, I am really proud of myself, and everyone else going through this.

The bright side

2007-05-08T22:41:00.000-07:00

Sure I am outlining for family law at 10:42 pm. But, I just saw Elliot Stabler not just shirtless, but silhouette nekked on Law and Order SVU.

::

2007-05-04T21:10:00.000-07:00

The Husband saw Robin Williams drive by our house a few hours ago -- in a Mercedes mobile home. I'm sad to have missed it, but I was in the cave cramming for a final tomorrow. It is a 2 hour closed book exam. I am trying to type my short, checklist form outline entirely from memory and now can't keep domestic violence related jurisdictional provisions straight because I'm going cross eyed. So, I think I will shut down for the night. The test is at 1:30 pm tomorrow. Wish me luck my Internet people. This time tomorrow I will be coming home from our 2nd anniversary dinner, preferably very drunk.

PS - blogger spell check caught and corrected my misspelling of jurisdictional. I think that is pretty cool, which indicates my level of exhaustion. Clearly we are not far from the point in the semester where I make toilet paper outfits for the dog.

24, law school style

2007-05-01T07:20:00.000-07:00

8:30 am: go to records office to pick up my Con Law 2 exam. Woman tells me they don't open until 9. But, the e-mail that said 8:30 during exams. "That starts tomorrow." Instead of just giving me the exam, she tells me to come back at 9:00. Grrr.

Spent the rest of the day staring at a a blank screen, writing things, being confused, writing more things, looking things up in my huge con law book, changing my mind, eating, editing, writing more things, drinking 4 diet Dr. Peppers, etc. This went on from about 9:30 am until, 12:30 am when I started to go cross eyed and decided a nap would serve me well. Back up at 5:00 for the final edits. I'm about to go turn the beast in and then maybe eat a greasy breakfast and collapse for a few hours. I feel like I had more of a clue than I did for Con Law, but who knows...I do feel somewhat proud that I can prodce any even slightly cogent paper on constitutional law in a 24 hour time period.

Good bye, cruel apartment...

2007-04-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

Through a great and random opportunity, we will be moving in July. To an apartment with 2 bedrooms. That is over 1,000 square feet -- over double the size of our current apartment!!! There will be non coin operated laundry right outside of the HUGE newly remodled kitchen. There is funky San Francisco - ness about it: wainscotting and molding and, well, it used to be a brothel. I can walk to school and we get to pick paint colors and, and, and. I am dizzy happy about it. I need to stop surfing for apartment goodies and start thinking about my upcoming 24 Hour Con Law take home.

For Zack

2007-04-24T20:29:00.000-07:00

I agree with a lot of what A said. She is right that the legal field is a lot about legal snobbery and that in the Bay Area you've got: Stanford, Boalt, Hastings, and USF that all outrank GGU. That is not a judgment, it's just the reality. Not to mention Santa Clara, Davis, and McGeorge (other NorCal law schools). And, the bar passage rate at GGU is not great (around 54% I think). That said, I work with a ton of really smart, hard working GGU students. Perhaps because I am working in government work, the school ranking isn't as important as it is if you want to work at a firm. Why do you want to go to law school? I think that is the key question you have to ask yourself. You are going to spend a lot of money, a lot of time, and a lot of work in law school. It's an experience unlike any other, and not usually in a good way. But, the highs, while perhaps infrequent, have been really high and I would absolutely do it again. I love being in court. I am stimulated all the time. If I can manage to get a job in my chosen field, I anticipate being very happy with my career choice.

Good luck making your decision. E-mail me if you have more specific questions or if you want me to put you in touch with other GGU grads/ students.

1,568

2007-04-20T20:28:00.000-07:00

Since New Year's Eve, I have managed to aviod that many cigarettes. I know this because I am about to cave and really want one and since the hubs still smokes I could easily have one right now. BUT, I checked my quit meter, pounded some water and am whining to my shrinking internet audience instead. Plus, I have, with the help of A and a commercial diet plan lost 3 of the pounds I gained since quitting.

In more interesting news... well, this is the time of year that I have even less than usual. I finished my seminar paper (woo - hoo!). I have 2 days of classes, 3 days of my internship and 3 finals standing between me, a trip to Belize, and an end to my second year of law school.

I am obsessed with this Web site.

2007-04-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

Life, work, school. All have been somewhat on the crap scale lately. On Wed., I got light headed in the middle of my second class. By the end, I knew I had to go home. Glad I did because I got sick in an I can't be on campus for the rest of the day sort of way.

Things that have made me feel better:

1. A mid day pedicure at my absolute favorite place.

2. Shoe shopping after work. Where I found these affordable beauties. Beware, the picture makes them look a little scary purple. In life, they are a lovely rose color. It was between these and black patent peep toes. Feel free to share your thoughts. I have 30 days to return...

Stream of consciousness

2007-03-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

I presented my seminar paper today - one thing to check off the list. The presentation went well for the most part. The exception was the part where a classmate totally misinterpreted what I said in a question and made me sound like a total ass head. I was really rude in reply and said: no, actually that's not what I said. So don't make me yourself sound all high and mighty while making me sound like an ass head because I'll put you in check, a'ight?

Class registration is coming up. I have half a mind to take a semester void of all bar related classes. But, then my type A personality starts kicking in and random parts of my body start twitching. So, I figure that I will do 2 bar classes and 2 classes I am actually interested in - hello international criminal law.

Random commercial music issues that are annoying me:
Jamie Lidell on Target
Violent Femmes on Wendy's
Not really a commercial, but Modest Mouse *and* the Clash on American Idol??
Speaking of AI, I am about to wet my pants that Gwen *and* Akon are on. Pitter pat goes my heart.

And, speaking of music, my British friend made me 5 reggaton compliations. I've made it through #1 and can't wait to hear the rest.

This better be worth it

2007-03-19T14:39:00.000-07:00

The financial aid office sent me a love note of sorts today.

Dear Ms. SKH: So far you have gone $72,825 in debt with 5 different types of loans over these past two years to finance your legal education. Don't forget, next year tuition for UC professional schools increases 8 - 12% and there may be a specific increase for your specific institution. XOXO.

To celebrate, I changed my blog template. I lost my links in the process. I'll fix them eventually...

WTF?

2007-03-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

In doing research on specialized drug court, I stumbled across Tweaking Tips on Tweaker.org.

Disturbing on so many levels.

Why I may never leave San Francisco

2007-03-11T19:51:00.000-07:00

While the weather in San Francisco can, for many, leave a lot to be desired, there are a few weeks worth of the most glorious days. The most common come during the "Indian Summer" in fall. The others come in March. And, since it is not a common occurrence, on those days San Franciscans are out revelling in the city. Today, we took a bike ride through Golden Gate Park to Ocean Beach. In additoin to tons of "normal" people out for a walk or bike ride, we passed the dance routine roller wskating people (sorry, I have no idea what these people should actually be called, roller dancers? Let's just say they wear teal and purple and do dance routines on roller skates while listening to old school), the free Lindy in the Park people swing dancing outside of the De Young museum, past the heard of buffalo and to the beach. There were people flying kites, dogs playing, and lots of pasty white skin revealing itself. We had a lovely picnic at the beach, soaking it all in and getting sunburned. Then we had to ride back and that was sort of torture - four miles uphill - but it was a lovely day nonetheless. I even managed to get a chunk of my seminar paper written.

false alarm

2007-03-05T20:01:00.000-08:00

Turns out dinner is not yet ready.

Home last night from a competition in Santa Monica. A good but exhausting trip. 3 rounds of competing, 3 celeb sitings - John Goodman at LAX, Carson from Queer Eye at 3rd St. Promenade, and Woody Harrelson (fresh from his bar brawl) also at LAX. He's hot but methinks he needs some cooked food.

We booked a trip to Belize for once this crazy semester is over. That might just be the only thing keeping me going at this point.

I have not smoked 911 cigarettes and saved roughly $227 from not smoking since NYE. I have also gained rougly 8 lbs and am breaking out like a pre teen. So, I am attempting to eat things that aren't fried and drink water instead of the caffeine IV. We'll see how that goes.

I have some substantial topic ideas in mind and maybe a future post will be funny or meaningful. We'll see how that goes.

bad blogging

2007-03-05T19:56:00.000-08:00

I have been too lazy to switch to the Google Blogger model until tonight. I wasn't able to post without switching, so. Dinner is ready, but I will have an update, insightful I'm sure, posted soon.

The Absurd

2007-02-15T19:46:00.000-08:00

1. Today the husband had oral surgery. In his I'm waking up from being under state, he wanted mac 'n cheese and vienna sausages. His doctor told him to eat bland and drink ginger ale. Somehow, it seems fitting that we could purchas "the cheeziest", vienna sausages (not fit for a dog in my mind) and ginger ale at Walgreeds while waiting for the vikoden perscription to be filled.

2. My school was proposing to raise the GPA requirement for participating in certain activities and internships from 2.5 to 2.75. You, yeah, the one who is already fucked on the basis of a ridiculously harsh curve and accordingly arbitrary grades, well, now we're going to fuck you in terms of learning practical skills. PS, your tuition went up another 10% this year. This from the school that's rankings keep dropping, known for its uber - competitiveness and harshest of harsh curves. But, power to the people, a petition and lots of action stopped this from happening.

3. People who sell crack on the street keep it in their mouth. Then, someone walks up to them and asks for a "ten shot" (if they want $10 worth of crack) and the dealer spits it out.

I am such a sucker

2007-02-04T20:44:00.000-08:00

I'm so not kidding... Animal Planet has a three hour special calleda Puppy Bowl III where, well, puppies play in a small football field. They even have a special water dish cam -- The "Bowl Cam" where, well, they zoom in on puppy paws and faces in the water bowl. I love it so much. So much.

My biological clock is covered in fur.

How many ribs does a cow have?

2007-02-04T13:36:00.000-08:00

We've ordered groceries online for the past two big grocery shops...

My vegetarianism has ended in stages over the past five years or so, but I still avoid pork and red meat. The husband loves both and eats what he calls "disgusting boy meat" on nights when I'm working late or out with friends. So, today he ordered three pounds of beef ribs. Only, well, they misinterpreted that somehow and now there is over fifty pounds or rouglhy the ribs of 4 cows sitting in our kitchen. At least they were on super sale for 89 cents per pound.

One pack is going from the husband to the Mr. in the couple we're throwing the engagement party for: "Congrats on getting married, keep your manhood. I'll help with 20 lbs of ribs."

Random Updates

2007-02-03T21:10:00.000-08:00

Parents: Weekend with parents was good. Choosing restaraunts for them is difficult. Dad will complain if it's too pricey or too "weird" which can be hard to avoid in the SF food destinations I love. He loved the Mexican place we picked ("Hot sauce wasn't hot enough, but that was the best carnitas I've ever had and the margaritas were killer"). My mom was in absolute heaven when the seafood restaurant we choose for her b-day dinner a) printed a special menu for her that said: "Happy Birthday Momma SKH." She and I both ordered sole which was boned at the table. Big, huge points from her perspective. The winner was the complimentary molten chocolate cake celebration dessert. We did do things other than eat. We bowled. Mom and I shopped. Dad and husband man bonded - which I think meant drinking whiskey and coke while watching the only sport on TV that weekend - college basketball. In my dad's one typical moment... he was sitting in the front seat with a Thai cab driver who had his name posted. It was Watson _______ (something very long and Thai and hard to pronounce). My dad said: Watson? Where'd you get that name. And I fell in love with the cab driver when he responded: What? You expect my name to be Wong? Watson was my father's name. Who're you, John Smith?

School: I'm taking Con Law 2, Family Law, and Domestic Violence (among others). There is some major overlap in the cases for those classes, which is nice. But, the subject matter is still depressing in large part (see previous post).

Other: I babysat last night. I went straight from work, so was wearing a pant suit. The little boy, age 5, touched my suit jacket and asked: Why can men only wear these and women can wear these and dresses, but men can't wear dresses? I should have said: have your mom take you to the Castro tomorrow.

This semester has a first name...

2007-01-26T07:58:00.000-08:00

And it's not O-S-C-A-R. It's D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-N-G.

So far, my classes are interesting. Con Law 2 started with the Roe v. Wade line of cases. Given my scheduling inabilities, I've been forced to get up at 5 to do homework. So, a few days ago I was reading in depth about abortion procedures at that ungodly hour. Family law reading covered a section on women and work which has me feeling like I will be totally screwed should I decide to have children. This was reinforced by the way a pregnant woman in my office was recently treated. Oh, and I'm working a lot with domestic violence and taking a class on the topic. Of course, learning about this stuff is supposed to help you be informed and work to improve situtations. But, it doesn't always feel that way. Finally, in my seminar on criminal punishment, we spent a portion of class talking about hanging, drawing, and quartering.

But, there are good life things. I'm still not smoking. My parents are coming into town in about an hour. And, my husand reminded me I needed to throw an engagement party for a friend whose wedding I'm in. Not only that, but he came up with a great idea - crab and champagne at Crissy field. Five gold stars for that one.

::

2007-01-16T21:03:00.000-08:00

One of the oppositions I filed at work really pissed off opposing counsel. He responded with an angry 26 page supplemental brief that personally attacked our office. Cool. I was asked to argue it, but will unfortunately be in school when it is scheduled to go.

Speaking of school...I got my grades and, meh. I said at the end of finals (especially Con Law) that I would happy with all Bs. Well, the wish came true and a fraction better on some, but I'm a bit dissapointed. I start in again tomorrow. Hopefully there will be some GPA classes that result in the A range.

Finally, we followed in Bevy's footsteps and ordered groceries online. This is awesome and I can't believe we waited so long to do this. They were delivered today. I wasn't home yet. The delivery man looked at the husband and said, "Mr... SKH??"

Danga' Danga'

2007-01-07T20:09:00.000-08:00

The new update from Quit Meter: 97 cigarettes not smoked, $24.25 saved. We went out of town this weekend to Monterey and I craved a cigarette at various points throughout the weekend, these being the most interesting:

1) The Monterey Bay Aquarium was great but, duh, teeming with children. We'd stupidly thought that no one would really be travelling the weekend after New Years. Oh boy, were we wrong. After putting up with loads of children in small, dark spaces, I wanted to smoke cigarettes and do shots of tequilla. See? I'm an adult. I have no kids. I drink. AND SMOKE.

2) They charge $9 to drive on a road? Behind tourists going 5 MPH and staring down the locals to see if they're Clint Eastwood? And once we pass them, to be mocked by TWO people in a row driving Rolls Royces with GOLD trim, not chrome, while then behind the Movie Tours bus? Oy. Can we please pull over by the lone cypress and smoke half a pack? Please?

3) We'd made reservations at a restaurant on Cannery Row for our "fancy dinner" of the trip. We knew we were taking a gamble by eating in the tourist spot, but it was walking distance from the hotel (no drinking and driving!), reasonably priced, and came recommended. Oh boy. We walked up and I thought, maybe it was a problem when they were the only restaurant on Cannery Row with a hocker out front trying to drum up business. Then, we walked in and I thought, maybe it was a problem that they had bright, sparkly turqouise booths and the clientelle were either huge families or solo diners. I knew it was a problem when we sat down. There were no bottles of wine available, it was only by the glass and to the tune of $7/ glass of a type I spend $6/ bottle on sale at Albertsons. The menu was different than the one we'd seen online, and not in a good way. We may have stuck it out if it weren't for the fact that the light above our table kept blinking in and out and making this horror movie buzzing sound. I faked sick and we high tailed it out of there... starving. The one really well reviewed restaurant within walking distance had a two hour wait. So, we went to El Torrito. For reals. Anyhow, the point of this story, we each had two fabulous cadillac margaritas at El Torrito. Fabulous. The waiter would walk by and shake the Grand Marinier shot glass to make sure we were consuming each last drop. I really, really wanted to smoke after that. The husband had a cigarette and we looked for a sweet shop. We stumbled across a cigar shop. I went into the back cellar and literally sniffed bags of tobacco and loads of cigars while drinking strong, black coffee. Gross? Yes. But, at least I didn't smoke.

4) After a ten am wine tasting in the Carmel Valley. Who drinks wine at ten am without a follow up cigarette?

The realization... I smoke(d) because

1) I am the square in my family. When I started smoking I was the nerdy, ugly one with good grades. Smoking was both rebellious and dangerous. Quitting smoking in the short term means loosing some sort of edge. So, I am hoping to keep the edge alive by riding a bike in the city and learning how to dive for abalone in the Red Triangle (read: great white breeding ground).

2) Smoking is something entirely selfish. Something I "do for myself." So fucked because, obviously, doing this something for myself is killing me. (A fucking decade I've been smoking. And not socially). So, I am taking the money saved ($24.50 now) and using it on indulgent beauty treatments. Next weekend - a pricey pedi with A. Followed by -- facials? Haircuts? Expensive heels that I can wear while riding a bike down Market street?