If Music is the Soundtrack to Our Life, I'm in Trouble

I'm drinking wine and thinking about the transition from college student to law student to... whatever comes next. In undergrad I wrote essays about pop culture, read existential philosophers, spent a lot of time thinking about the kind of human being I wanted to be. So many songs connect me to such specific moments from that time. When I thought about transferring from my San Francisco college to my home town school because my comfort zone vanished, Jimmy Eat World's "Lucky Denver Mint" played from my headphones while I walked down from a high-on-the-hill beautiful building. I saw the city at dusk, its most beautiful time, and knew I would stay. Maybe forever. When the local cafe played The Black Heart Procession, I feld I had insider status. Yo La Tengo's "Autumn Sweater" calmed my insecurities in my first apartment. Whenever I hear the Get Up Kids, I think of a show at Bottom of the Hill where we met the band and took Muni home. The entire bus erupted in Guns 'N Roses "Patience." Every single time I went to a specific bar, I had a precise playlist: David Bowie - "Golden Years." Rolling Stones - "Beast of Burden." The Clash: "Lost in the Supermarket." Elvis Costello, Eliot Smith, and Nick Drake shared my sorrows. A camping trip in Klamath with the now husband will means Wilco plays.

There is a wedding soundtrack. In fact, it was copied by my best friend from elementary school who recently got married. She played Beyonce's "Crazy in Love" at the beginning of her reception just like we did. Perfect.

The 1L soundtrack is something I can't listen to anymore. I gauge my depression by the amount of times I reach for Damien Rice -- uncountable during 1L. My summer job has a soundtrack too. Lots of Kanye West and a little Daniel Powter and, well, some Christina Aguilera for fist pumping while driving home after a good day.

This year...I feel old. Husband used to be director of our college radio station. They used to make fun of people who got stuck in their genres. We're there. Every time I turn on my iPod or scan the radio on my drive, I am searching for a song to articulate what I feel and I am having no luck. I did uncover an amazing Postal Service cover of Phil Collins' "Against All Odds." It is hinting at something, but I need more...