Awwww... Freak Out!

It's about that time. But this isn't a post about the fact that finals are around the corner and I'm not ready and stressed to the point of needing to be talked down from a ledge. No, this is a post about family.

We went to the in laws for Easter. I have a long history of feeling conflicted about religion, so celebrating the resurrection of our savior strikes a little skeptical place in my heart and makes me feel like quite the hypocrite. Add this to the fact that I am stressed/ busy and that we don't smoke at all in front of the parents, well....Jesus questioning and nicotine withdrawal aside, I had a great time. I only put my foot in my mouth a few times, and most of them were minor. The most glaring example would be when talking to my mother in law about surrogate mothering. She wrote the California policy on the subject and has lots of strong, well informed opinions. But, she was quite surprised when I said that if we couldn't get preggo the natural way (assuming we decide to have kids, a subject left for another year) we would definitely adopt. To get the impact of the conversation, I will let it unfold in dialog:

Me: "Well, if husband and I couldn't have kids, I don't know that we'd do that. (Meaning pay 50 grand for a surrogate mom to carry a genetic creation of our sperm and egg)"
Her: "Oh, yes you would. I KNOW you. You'd do whatever it took"
Me: "Well, I think that at that point, we would be more likely to adopt."
Her: Trying very hard to relate "Well, you don't want to adopt in this country. The only ones that are adopted out are...
Me: "Drug babies. But (thinking, don't they deserve loving parents? Get gloriously saved by husband.)
Husband: "Oh, well, at that point, we'd adopt from China or another country."

The thing about my MIL is that she really is perfect. She's never had a hangover, never forgets birthdays, never farts in public, and almost died giving birth to both of her sons. She's a nurse director and works 12 - 14 hours a day. When babies die, it is her job to call their time of death and comfort the parents. She is successful in her career, socially perfect, and a domestic goddess who makes 5 desserts for a 6 person Easter dinner.

Meanwhile, I crave drinks at 2pm while my dog destroys her lawn, muddies her carpet, and ignores me for 42 straight hours. I have tattoos, and don't know if I want kids, and, and, and...