::

I have a really great group of friends -- loving, dynamic, interesting and funny. We're close -- we've been friends since we were dumb 18 year olds drinking 40s, crashing parties, getting lost in the city and having no clue what we wanted to do with all of our energy. These are the people who were in my wedding, who know all the stuff I don't tell new people. But tonight, I could barely relate to them. Even fresh crab and a room full of the people I love best couldn't pull me out of 1L mode. I found myself resenting the fact that two of them are going to Santa Barbara for the weekend, and being jealous of the beautiful homieness of E's apartment. She had fresh flowers and lemon wedges floating in vases on end tables. I can't even get my laundry done or vacuum. D who is a successful photographer actually said to me, "I'm sorry but your life just sucks right now." At least she was honest and didn't try to tell me how great it was that I was in law school or ask me if I were enjoying it.

The husband is still out, and I am having a glass of wine that I don't need and listening to Ani DiFranco... appropriately the current song lyric says: "I want my old friends. I want my old face. I want my old mind. Fuck this time and place."

A friend of mine told me that law school would tear me apart and rebuild me brick by brick. What if I don't like the finished product?