Namaste

Today is the first day of Autumn. I was reminded of that by my insane need to drink a bottomless cup of tea while studying and my yoga teacher telling us to eat squash and apples from the farmer's market because our nutrition would help our practice. I sort of trust him because every Sunday night I come home blitzed out and light headed from spending at least twenty minutes upside down, all sore muscles and blood rushing to my head. Today it was Sarvangasana-- shoulder stand.

This has nothing to do with what I started out intending to blog about. I started out intending to complain. It is my third year and I want to be less busy. While at least I know what I'm doing, I still have a lot to do. Maybe even more than last year. And my employment situation is... self torture. I guess the difference is that I didn't go to a single yoga class my first year. Not because I couldn't have, but because I wouldn't let myself. I smoked a lot and ate poorly and gained wait. Not because it made my grades any better or got me a job, but because I didn't follow the lesson I'd learned so many times over: take care of yourself first.

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At the very least, 4 semesters have clued me into knowing when I'll be called on. I had the feeling this morning. In fact, the husband and I woke up at 5:12 am. He: Shit, I didn't take out the trash. Me: I have to start drinking coffee imediately and reread that case because I think I really might get called on. Sure enough, my quite fabulous professor called out my name about fifteen minutes into class. My first name is quite common and when he said it, I thought hopefully it might be someone else. But, no. He was looking right at me. At least I'd sort of read the case and had really read it for 1L Civ Pro and could at least say "candied breakfasts" signifying that I'd actually read the case. Even if I didn't know the elements of fraud and the policy reasons why it should be pled with particularity.

I had a good attitude about it all. But, the whole time I was thinking... really? I'm so over being called on.

Extremist

Recently, I saw a Sex in the City rerun where Carrie and Miranda got into a fight while shopping. Carrie accused Miranda of being judgmental and said, in paraphrase, that when she saw a flaw in someone she bailed.

I don't bail, really, ever, on people I care about. But life is short and there are things that I don't feel the need to tolerate - as callous as that sounds.

Recently, a friend revealed a side that I am, quite frankly, repulsed by. Do you have friends who have one set of patterns or behavior that you disagree with but ignore for the sake of the friendship and other "good" qualities? What are friendship deal breakers for you?

My ass is smaller and so is my bank account.

I made a resolution at the beginning of the year. It was "health." To that end I quit smoking and lost nearly twenty pounds. Now I've added exercise to the mix and am getting back into a regular yoga practice. Last night my teacher told me I had great external hip rotation. Sweet. Anyway, this is all great and makes me very happy. Except for two things.

First, learning to accept my body is hard. I always thought I'd like my body "if I lost twenty pounds." But, I've lost it, and nope, still not happy with my body. I'm proud of myself, but when people compliment me, I find myself thinking, yeah, but I still have a flabby stomach. I'm hoping the exercise will help with that.

The second is that none of my clothes fit and, being broke makes it hard to replace stuff, especially suits. I had a gift certificate to Ann Taylor from my birthday which I went to use today. And ended up spending an extra, oh, $700. I was solo, though, and I am maybe the world's most indecisive shopper. I bought everything I thought I liked and the husband helped me choose what to keep -- navy skirt suit, white button up, brown croc pumps:





and what to return -- wine skirt suit that had a fun cut. He pronounced it great for a time when we have enough money to buy red suits.