fitness rant

I have been working out consistantly since March, counting calories, drinking tons of water. And yet, only minor results. My body fat percentage has dropped about 2% and I've lost 1 inch in my abdomen, and .5 in my arms. But...no pounds shed and even the other measures don't seem very significant for almost 3 months. Blech.

Oh, and...

I read my second summer book - Prep.

Meh. There were a few moments in the book that rang true for me. One specifically where the main character struggles with wanting to be different from her family. If she was, she would feel that she'd succeeded but failed them. But, if she wasn't different she would feel that she'd failed herself. I recognize and understand that feeling. Even though the author - Curtis Sittenfeld - articulately described all the types of people you meet in high school, I can't say that I was overly impressed with the book as a whole.

Liars!

We found a hike online yesterday that looked pretty, long, but easy enough for us and the dog. Apparently the people who wrote the Web content had a different idea of an "easy" hike. 45 minutes straight up hill is not, in my mind, any kind of easy. The hike was beautiful. It was in Mill Valley, lush with trees and creeks except for the straight uphill portion where there was no shade whatsoever. At least I felt healthy and accomplished for the day. Now I am really, oddly sore.

A few nights ago we went to a good friend's art show. I was really impressed. I knew she was talented, having seen her works periodically over the seven years I've known her. But, she tends to downplay these things. The show was packed, she was on the front page of a local newspaper, and she sold 5 pieces on Friday. The show was also open on Saturday, so I'm hoping she sold out.

Otherwise, not much to report. My house is cleaner. By the time I have orientation for my job, my closet should be cleaned out and organized. I'm going shopping with Bevy again for some more professional garb.

de-cruding

After some serious neglect, my apartment is getting some much needed cleaning. I've shredded bushels of papers that were stacked on our table, got rid of other box - piled rats nests, and am slowly wiping away the grime. It feels good.

Contrats grade was posted today. I thought I'd really screwed up the final, but it wasn't bad at all.

And, a long winded way of revealing how getting older is not that bad...I was at the bus stop waiting to meet the husband at last night's Giants game when I saw an advertisement for the new X-men movie. The girl in the poster - Rogue I've been told - looks exactly like a friend I used to have (or, how she looked at the time I was friends with her, white stripes in black hair and all.) I saw the first in the X-men series with said friend and another friend. But, he wasn't really a friend so much as a guy who I met at a pool haul when I was 17 and he was 23 and who I had a mad crush on and thought I was "in love" with. This guy managed to sleep with not one, not two, but 4 of my friends. One being the Rogue look alike who was even younger than me. He also made out with my best friend at the time (so, I guess that's like 4.5 or something.) I don't know what all this says about me. That I was the type of 17 year old who hung out at pool hauls? That I was the type of 17 year old who "fell for" 23 year old guys because they knew what type of 17 year old girls hung out at pool hauls and played Ani Difranco when picking up such girls for lunch dates? That I was the type of 17 year old girl who had the type of friends who would make out and sleep with the "love" of her messed up teenage angsty life? I think I knew it was all fucked up at the time. I didn't particularly like the drama, but I didn't think I deserved any better. I am definitely not that person anymore. When I moved away for college, a whole new universe happened that let me insulate myself with people who would never let me be. And that universe keeps growing...

A different kind of guilt

While we were up in Mendocino, our dog stayed with his dog walker who happens to have a similar looking mutt who is female and the same age as ours. They are very good friends. This weekend, our dog walker had a third dog staying with them plus her 11 year old grandson. She lives in a proper house with a yard. This means that our pooch's pack went from 3 in a tiny apartment to 6 people! One a young boy! And TWO OTHER DOGS!!!! When he came home, we knew he'd be tired. But, we thought we'd get more than a half hearted face lick, dirty looks, and a slow trot off to hide under the bed. He didn't interact with us at all until we had hot plates full of dinner.

I started feeling guilty. Then I started looking at dog rescue sites for youngish female boxers or bulldogs. I found a really good one too - a 6 month old boxer named Sassy who happens to be in San Francisco. Then I looked at our small, relatively messy apartment. I grabbed an edamame and held it in front of my face so I could at least pretend that he was listening and said: "Dog, if we could afford it we would have a bigger place and a friend for you. But, we can't. We already spend a small fortune on healthy designer dog food and your dog walker so you can get a lot of fun time and have your own friends. You need to remember where you came from. You were left next to a dumpster in a parking lot in some small redneck town. We've done everything we can to make your life as good as possible. I am not going to feel guilty about that."

Your voice is three steps higher when you're not in school

Back from Mendocino.

Despite the husband's cold, he rallied and we had a very relaxing, enjoyable trip. We stayed at the inn where we got married last year. It was odd to be there without having anything to plan or being surrounded by friends and family devoted to nothing other than our happiness. It was quite and peaceful. I read a novel - Nick Hornby's A Long Way Down which is about suicide but very uplifting - on a lounge chair located on a water tower observation deck. We soaked in the hot tub for as long as possible and drank champagne. We played monopoly in front of the fire. We went to a fancy restaurant and I ate --- DUCK! Which, I will never eat again. But, my vegetarianism has been ending at various stages for a number of years and I thought I would try it. It was the special. And, it came with, get ready: vanilla, maple mashed potatoes garnished with, get ready again: fried fingerling sweet potatoes!!! And snap peas and some fancy reduction sauce. The price was about 20% less than the city and the portions about double. Plus, the waitress paired it with the largest, tastiest glass of pinot I've encountered. For that, I am okay with not being able to choke down the bird.

On the way home we stopped in Bodega to meet up with the in-laws. They sent us home with 18 lbs of salmon they'd caught. We got to give mother -in - law her birthday present in person. She cried. We spent a small fortune on Andrea Bocelli tickets because she loves him so much that she subjects all of us to him after large meals and lots of wine. She also managed to signal to me (I've realized she does not communicate, but signals) in a matter of 2 hours the following: if we need to borrow money to help buy a house, they are more than willing; if we decide not to have children, she will get it and love us anyway; even if I adopt "3 kids from different countries," they will be her grandkids and she will love them completely.

All in all, I am feeling content and loved and happy. This is good as I turn 25 tomorrow and that seems old and law school has a special way of making me feel old, cynical, and out of touch. But, despite all that, the past year has shown me how to exceed my limits, no matter how much I bitch and moan along the way. I am a stronger person than I was way back in August and I am... proud of myself.

done?

It's over. It's over. It's really over. To celebrate I've had 2 Madras, a glass of wine, and a Greyhound. My blood alcohol level has reached Nirvana. And, it's over.

::

How in the world does the song "Flagpole Sitter" get stuck in one's head whilst studying environmental law? I need some wine and a shower.

An illustration of clumsy

At some point late yesterday afternoon, the husband and I bent over at the same time to look at something. We butted heads - his skull hitting my left eyebrow bone. I woke up this mornining with a black eye. It is swollen, ugly and hurts like a mofo. All the better for studying. Ha!

A meme for you and me

Stollen from Energy Spatula

I AM: ready for 1L to be over.
I WANT: to spend time with the husband, some fun new clothes, and a pedicure.
I WISH: I didn't have one more final. That I could be in Alamo Square park with lots of friends, dogs and mimosas.
I HATE: feeling guilty and the guys who smoke heroin in front of my apartment.
I MISS: having fun, interesting things to talk about.
I FEAR: grades.
I HEAR: Law and Order SVU
I WONDER: where we'll end up living.
I REGRET: getting the stupid backpack I hate that is bright red and really made for ice climbing. It has come to be a symbol of 1L.
I AM NOT: going to think anymore about today's test (hey - I can try)
I DANCE: To "The Girl From Ipanema" with my husband after too much wine. To the Big Tymers with my friends after too much wine.
I SING: In the car when I am alone only.
I CRY: Apparently after tests when I am tired and feel like I fucked up.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: stressed out and boring.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: random crafty things when I have time.
I WRITE: this blog because going to law school temporarily put my great American novel writing plans on hold.
I CONFUSE: my parents.

Sugar we're going down typin'

Exam flashbacks are worse than the worst flashbacks from a long night drinking tequila with whiskey chasers. I will take - oh man, did I really say that while doing the moonwalk topless in front of 40 people I don't know? Oh, and I really projectile vomited in the middle of the street? over - oh fuck what was that last question about?? Why didn't I mention ________?? Fuck, I am totally going to get a C if I average that out with the grade I got last semester maybe that will elevate me to B territory, probably not because this one was worth 75%. Hopefully enough people did worse than I did to get me a B- which should definitely put me in B territory. FUCK.

So, yeah, contracts exam is done. And I have a lovely can of Sofia sparkling wine thanks to A chilling in the fridge and am going to attempt an aspirin mask which may at least temporarily stop my face from erupting. And, I did study a lot and I did all the reading and went to all the classes. And, at least I typed furiously to the end unlike the great Civ Pro disaster of last semester where I gave up once I realized I knew maybe enough to pass. BUT STILL.

Crim - check

It wasn't as bad as I thought. It was kind of liberating, really. No outlines or books to shuffle through searching for the perfect answer of the name of the case where the guy did the thing and was guilty. Of course, this is no indication of how I actually did, but the point during the test I had imagined -- where I just couldn't remember a single thing about criminal law other than the 5 billion Law and Order episodes just...never...happened. So, at least I have that.

I am tired. I want to play in the sun. But, I really should study for Contracts on Friday.

Banging head on desk

Today is my one year wedding anniversary...awwww. Too bad that I am couped up trying to study. Actually, not even study, just memorize stupid crim law rules. I've said it before and I will say it again -- closed book exam = BOO. Who the hell can remember the common law/ MPC/ CA laws for all this shit? I will quit whining now...

One down...and some funny stories.

I'm on the bus listening to my "SKH kicks ass and takes names" mix. The woman I'm standing in front of is in a belligerant discussion with the bus driver who is trying to get her to pay her fare or get off. I'm trying to ignore the exchange and let Eminem pump me up. Woman starts asking people for contributions to pay her fare. Finally, I go up to the driver and ask how much. For a mere dollar, I can stop the insanity and get moving. So I do. Unfortunately many people have gotten on the bus at this point, so I have to stand in front of the woman. She thanks me, I say no problem and insert the headphones. I fast forward to Fugazi. Then the following exchange occurs:

Woman: "You know, I used to be a cosmetologist."
Me, headphones still in: "That's nice."
Her, "You know, there's something wrong with your hair. Yeah, it's a good cut but it's the wrong color for your face."
Me, looking at her quizically.
Her: "Yeah, yeah, you need to go lighter. It'll, uh, detract from this." Makes movements with her hand around her chin. "Yeah, you need to go blonde to take away from those blemishes."
Me: "Uh, thanks, I'll think about that." Internal dialogue: Dude, you suck. I just paid your bus fare and now you are telling me that I have bad skin. I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF FINALS FOR LAW SCHOOL I DON'T CARE WHAT I LOOK LIKE. YOU'RE LUCKY I SHOWERED TODAY.
Her: "Yeah, you know get some peroxide and comb it through. It will look great. And, OH! you should get some thicker foundation because it will cover all this (again with the hand motions) up."

She finally gets off the bus. I listen to the Killers at full blast. I go to Starbucks to meet B. I'm sitting at a table facing a window. Random homeless guy stares at me and makes disfgusting facial and tongue movements.

The test, well, it sucked. But, not as much as last semester's civ pro exam. I feel like I studied as hard as I could and did as well as possible in those three hours. And to all the people post-mortuming (sp?) the exam in detail behind me -- FUCK YOU. It's over. SHUT the hell up. PS, remember celebrating another success prematurely? Yeah, that's what I thought. So yeah, I don't really care about whether you wrote about Erie or minimum contacts or eating your boogers for that matter. Love, SKH

Alternatives

So, with exam anxiety in full swing, I thought to myself -- why do I want to be a lawyer? I said to the husband: "I wish I just wanted to be a...wind therapist. Or...sound healer. Or, or, rope dancer!" Then, I could move to Mendocino, rent a little office and charge $300/ session to burn some incense and play chant music whilst tuning into the healing effects of the (woosh!) wind and sound (whoosh! chant chant) and then make my clients dance with ropes to touch their inner child beings. Like my yoga instructor says: You don't have a soul. (woosh!) You are a soul with a body. (woosh)

Prof Civ Pro - why the tutu?

Last semester anxiety led to a series of freakish dreams. I hadn't had one this semester until last night. Generally, I've been much better, with the no crying or extreme freaking out or yelling at the husband. At least last night's dream makes me laugh as opposed to, you know, fearing decapitated heads rolling out of trees and whatnot. I was taking my civ pro final. Only, it was last semester's teacher giving it. We sat in an elementary school classroom. I wore my pajamas, acne medicine, and a REALLY offensive headband. I knew NOTHING on the test (which, by the way was printed on yellow cardstock.) One of the questions was a quote from either Shakespeare or an ancient philosopher, followed by: What case does this remind you of and why? Meanwhile last semester prof Civ Pro was dancing around in front of the class.

::

Despite the dream I am feeling done with studying for this exam. I don't know that that means I am prepared, it just means that I've done all the available practice exams, looked over my various outlines and checklists, and tabbed them all. I am torn between doing work for another class (?!) and taking a big fat break. Maybe at least a short break lest I start dressing the dog up in toilet paper again.

::

After roughly 11.5 hours of studying (well, actually 10.5. I took an hour off to workout and shower) I am gasping for a glass of wine. And you know what, I'm going to have one and not feel bad about it because at least it's not speed. I recently found out some section-mates get spun to study. Not that it's a HUGE shock. Just kind of gross and it makes me feel both very proud of my grades considering and very okay with wine and caffeine.