Break

Columnist Mark Morford haw written a great piece that brilliantly articulates my love/ hate relationship with San Francisco. I disagree about his age theory though...I've been here for 6.5 years and am 24 but still feel like this:

When The City Eats Your Soul
Where do you go when you've had enough of the urban grind but still crave it like heroin?

Cwaffee

I don't know if it was the pot of coffee I drank this am or the FINALS START IN LESS THAN A WEEK adrenaline that kicked in today. Whatever it was, I think I've been more productive today than I've been in weeks. Worked on Property and Contracts practice exams and managed to send in a cover letter/ resume for the one job I'm interested in that starts accepting resumes today. I already got feedback from Prof. K on my sample exam answer and it wasn't bad. For the moment, it is all feeling manageable. We'll see how long that lasts.

How to get depressed on a Monday night

1) Do torts practice exam. Take about 4 times as much time as you'll be given on the actual test and still feel like you are never gonna get it, never gonna get it(whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa).

2) Check account balance. Realize that you will be unbelievably broke until financial aid dispersments, some 7 weeks away. Coupon books for Christmas. Holla!

R-E-D-D-O-T

As much as the pooch likes to get muddy and stinky and would be happy to fetch for hours in the rain, I don't love him quite enough to endure the bad weather and then clean him up. Enter laser pens from Wallgreens. It is the one thing he loves more than fetch and pork fat combined. He runs around like a maniac hunting and then biting at the red dot. When one of us is too tired to keep going, I turn on the lights and hide the R-E-D-D-O-T. He keeps running around with decreasing vigor until he passes out wherever he may be.

This is a totally pointless post. But, I was about to start studying when I heard my upstairs neighbor having vigorous sex. And, as they're still going at it, I will reflect on the last day of 2 classes...

It's surreal that the classes are over. I feel relief, which seems stupid since I have to study for and take exams. I could say more, but they just finished and I need to get to work.

::

Studying feels like looking for parking in my neighborhood. It is much less linear than it was in undergrand and requires a concentric circle approach. First finish the compiling stage of outlines. Then, circle back to one outline, study it and clean it up. Repeat with the other outlines. Then, take one and focus on it and do practice exams. It will be much easier once classes end on Tuesday and there is no reading/ preparing for class to worry about.

Thanksgiving was great but driving home was the beginning of the death march. I'm not stressed or panicy or anything, just resigned and a little reluctant.

yams!

Happy Thanksgiving!

We are heading to the husband's folks' house. My father in law makes the best yams ever. I cannot wait to eat a plateful tomorrow and nap on the comfy couch in front of the television. I will be most thankful for a day off.

Cheers!

I am going to...

... make a sign that says "will prosecute for free," and stand out on random San Francisco streets.

I think that strategy would be more successful than going through the process of trying to figure out what DA's offices are hiring and how/ when to apply.

Oh, and for the DA's offices that do actually advertise how to apply, I am going to write the following cover letter:

"I want to put bad guys behind bars and I swear I will work my fucking ass off. Just give me a chance and I promise you will be impressed. Thank you, ::SKH::"

::

Quote of the day -- from prof. K as he was trying to start a video presentation : "You would think that as a young prof. I would know how to do this shit."

Property was a circus today. Prof. property asked us if we thought that a 100% estate tax (the proceeds to be used so that everyone could go to college for free) would = an unconstitutional taking of property. The arguments that some people made were frustrating to say the least. Sorry, but if I work hard and accrue an estate, I feel pretty strongly that I should be able to pass it on to whomever I want, especially if I have kids. And, I highly doubt that such a measure would deter the Paris Hilton's of the world...

I must admit that it's interesting to observe where the line is drawn and what kind of box you get put into when making policy comments in class. People probably think that I'm waiting to inherit a load of cash from my folks or that I don't care about funding higher education.

Another Friday night...and some sort of advice

I just finished my contracts outline. It is a disorganized mess (AKA uncle Harry's toolshed). BUT, it's all there and I am going to meet up with some friends to go over and clean it up next week. That is a good feeling!

Today, for B's birthday we went to see Jarhead after class. I don't know if it was really a great movie or if I was just so happy to be sitting in a reclining chair, diet coke in hand, staring at Jake Gyllenhaal and not thinking about law school. No matter, I totally enjoyed myself and feel better! And, the fact that JG's character was reading one of my favorite books (The Stranger) while drinking laxatives on the toilet in one scene, well that just made my semester.

On a serious note, in the I don't really give advice on this blog, but this might kind of be advice way...

When you are a 1L, people will not carry you. They probably don't want to, and even if they do, they don't have time. If you are having a hard time keeping up or getting things, recognize this early on and go through the proper channels to get help. First year is not the cutthroat environment we all feared. If you are on top of things, and a good friend/ student, people will offer you notes when you miss class. They will help you when you don't quite get the rule of perpetuities. They will forgive you for saying something really stupid during class, ONCE. But, if you spend all semester surfing the Internet during class, doing the reading at the last minute if at all, and talking nonstop about personal drama, your classmates will not feel compelled to serve as a life raft a month before finals.

I wish...

...that I could make sound effects on this blog to describe what my head feels like right now, and pretty much in general lately. Think of a really loud machine going wahhhh wahhh waaahh.

As if studying for finals isn't enough I need to apply to some jobs Dec. 1. On the bright side...less than a month until break.

And, I have all kinds of ideas about how I am going to make next semester better!

OMG!!!

So, today while neighbor boy was locked out, we went walking on Haight Street. We were talking about New Years Eve and I was lamenting the fact that I couldn't afford to go to Tahoe where some of my friends are renting a house. Neighbor mentioned something about the cost of lift tickets and I said, well I haven't gone snowboarding for around seven years and it probably isn't worth the money at this point. And a random guy came up and was like "it's always worth it. No matter how much it costs, once you're heading down that mountain, and everything is challenging and beautiful and flying by, it is completely worth it." And I thought, you are a Haight St. hippie that looks an aweful freaking lot like Orlando Bloom. And I laughed and agreed with him, and said, "Yeah, you're right. I should take the stick out of my arse."

And now, after lots of googling, I learned that it was indeed Orlando Bloom who was speaking to me. And now I wish I would have busted out the sharpie (or highlighter, which was more readily available) and had him sign my...something.

Things I could have done today

...When my friend E and I had an awful night class together in undergrad, we used to write morbid lists of things we would rather be doing. They included such things as "ripping off and eating one by one my toe nails."

This is not a morbid list, but similar in concept. After Civ Pro I thought, hmmm, I could ditch torts and make it to a matinee at the Metreon. But, B and I took a walk to Starbucks instead. We were trying to escape school, but alas, half of our section seemed to have the same idea.

So, I went to Torts. A friend offered me an extra ticket to go see Death Cab for Cutie tonight and I said I'd think about it call her later.

Then, on my walk home it was warm and sunny and I passed some great stores and sighed at great shoes. And I thought, well, I'll go home and do tons of work and then I'll either go to the show or go get a pedicure and buy a reasonably priced pair of shoes.

Then my neighbor got locked out of his apartment so I spent a few hours trying to help him break in, then trying to contact various people who might have keys, then entertaining him. So, no show, no pedicure, and no shoes. Sigh...

And the fuckers who were supposed to fix my garbage disposal today realized it had to be replaced. It has been two weeks since I first called the landlord. Anyhow, they left the keys they used to get in IN MY APARTMENT. So, now I have to schedule another time for them to come when I will be home. Meanwhile things are rotting in the disposal and stinking up the place.

sooo tired

There's a saying stuck in my head, I think it's from Ace Ventura or some other Jim Carey movie: "I just can't do it captain. I don't have the power." At this point, it's not even that I don't want to do work. I wand to do work. I feel physically incapable... want to sleep. Actually, I don't even want to sleep. I find myself working through hypos in my dreams.

down on contracts

I have been putting of outlining for contracts until today. F and I vowed that we would start today and be available via phone and e-mail for questions. The husband had the day off, but he and a friend went, what else, crabbing. So, with the house to myself I hunkered down and got through a massive amount of contracts. The outline is not 100% up to date, but I feel productive and tired enough to stop. And, the best part is that I actually think I am getting it.

My body is starting to get fucked. Between sitting at the computer far too much, not doing yoga, and hauling around 174 lbs of books and technology, I have become one massive knot. I am so breaking the spines on my books next semester. I can save my back and ditch the 100% dork backpack.

I wish I hadn't committed to volunteering and working tomorrow (ugh. I'll be gone from 10 am until 11 pm). But, I have a bleeding heart and a need for some side cash. I lost 4 articles of clothing this week -- a pair of pants to a stubborn stain, a favorite sweater to an irreparable hole, a skirt and shirt to way too much wear.

I'll drink to that. Oh, and I'll drink to the fact that my mom just won one thousand dollars playing NICKEL POKER. She bet 5 freaking nickels and got a royal flush. I need to start gambling.

up on contracts

I woke up this morning to Professor K speaking on NPR. I was relieved that I wasn't dreaming his voice. Today in class he told us that he was basically a media whore and that he was also on television last night. KRON 4 came to interview him and he was wearing a t-shirt. He is around 5'6 and probably weighs, I don't know, not much. Apparently he didn't want to be interviewed in a tee, so he borrowed another professor's coat -- a professor who is about 6'1 and well, a well built man. A person in our class actually raised her hand and in all seriousness asked "why do they choose *you* to speak about these things and make these appearances?" Ugh. He handled it well and was funny. The whole class was pretty entertaining today.

I got called on in torts today. Even though Prof. Torts is harmless and fun, I was proud that I did well.

and the clouds parted...

Well, sort of. I finished THE MEMO. One more read tomorrow am to check for sloppy errors. I'll turn it in and LWR will be over. I thought that finishing would feel great. I thought I would feel confident about the finished product -- especially given how much time I've spent on it. Too much time as the class is graded but doesn't count towards my GPA. Instead, I feel exhausted. Too tired to read the 40 pages of property I need to finish for tomorrow. And, I am not confident about the finished product. I put 100% effort into it, but at this point I'm doubting that the result will reflect that.

WTF?

...week 13? How the fuck did this happen?

::

I have a really great group of friends -- loving, dynamic, interesting and funny. We're close -- we've been friends since we were dumb 18 year olds drinking 40s, crashing parties, getting lost in the city and having no clue what we wanted to do with all of our energy. These are the people who were in my wedding, who know all the stuff I don't tell new people. But tonight, I could barely relate to them. Even fresh crab and a room full of the people I love best couldn't pull me out of 1L mode. I found myself resenting the fact that two of them are going to Santa Barbara for the weekend, and being jealous of the beautiful homieness of E's apartment. She had fresh flowers and lemon wedges floating in vases on end tables. I can't even get my laundry done or vacuum. D who is a successful photographer actually said to me, "I'm sorry but your life just sucks right now." At least she was honest and didn't try to tell me how great it was that I was in law school or ask me if I were enjoying it.

The husband is still out, and I am having a glass of wine that I don't need and listening to Ani DiFranco... appropriately the current song lyric says: "I want my old friends. I want my old face. I want my old mind. Fuck this time and place."

A friend of mine told me that law school would tear me apart and rebuild me brick by brick. What if I don't like the finished product?

Consumed

I have been really consumed with getting work done today. So much so that I have only consumed coffee, dry cereal (we're out of milk) and cottage cheese (we're out of everything else). Pretty gross. Good think that the husband is on his way home from crabbing. Big feast ahead! This will be the second night of festive dinners, more social than I've been in weeks. It will be good to be social seeing as I just got a really big kick out of tying a toilet paper scarf around the dog's neck.

Foreplay and wasted time

I've blogged about Prof. Torts -- the one who passes out cookies, dresses up as batman, is a great teacher, drinks Diet Rite and has a comb-over. Well, today we talked about loss of consortium in class. As much as I love Prof Torts and a good chuckle in class...it was slightly frightening to have him say "It's the SEX that matters, and maybe you'll recover for a little companionship and you know, maybe some foreplay...ha ha ha."

And, Prof. Contracts, who told us last class that he was "working on approachability," today, asked us rhetorically, "is this class just a complete waste of your time?"

I'm gonna do it and it's gonna be rad

I rode the bus home with the outed "class libertarian" today. We were delayed by a really unorganized anti-bush protest. Once the libertarian got off at his stop, I set the iPod to shuffle and had a great run of songs, ending with Devo's "The Girl U Want," and a Fall Out Boy song that I hadn't heard before. I came home far less cranky than usual. Sooo...

I am going to finish the next draft of my memo today. On the stereo: Sea and the Cake. On the table: a cup of tea, stacks of cases, drafts with comments, my computer. At my feet: a sleeping dog.

Oh, and in honor of the no longer blogging Sua Sponte, I have started a thinking good thoughts/ meditation/ prayer chain for 1Ls. Lets send some good vibes and all that shit.